rawakramblings

A few months back, I blogged about me being a mompreneur - juggling between these and that. It was about a month ago that I realized that I cannot do-it-all. I'm trying too hard to be perfect in each area and I'm not doing my best in any of it.

"I don't remember being this close to Aisya before, not when she was this small," Mr. told me one day.

I gotta agree. With my first born, the bonding was pretty strong. Maybe because it is that introduction to loving a child, that first love. Maybe because I was working as an employee, 9am-5pm daily, so when I reached home, we were both missing each other that much, so evenings and weekends, the three of us spent time together as a family, but Aisya always wanted Mummy.

But as we analyzed more, we realized that it's also because Aisya had my mom and Kak Nanny (mom's helper) to take care of her during those times we were working. And then after work, its mummy and Aisya's time. And Mr, never really spent that much time with her, although he tried, but Aisya just never really preferred him ( haha - kesian).  So Aisya's choice has always been Mummy, Tokma (grandma), Kak Nanny, and then only everyone else including her own dad. It is only later on when she reached almost two, that she became closer to Mr. and even much much closer now.

With baby Luqman, as you may have understand from my previous postings, its either me, or Mr. We took turns to take care of our kids. He experienced bathing him from small, changing his nappy, even knows what to put on his baby after bathing. And I can see, that he understands this little boy well. I could be busy replying emails, and then suddenly, Luqman is already asleep. He could predict if he's tired, or if he's hungry. He knows the trick to get him to sleep longer. In fact, this little boy can sleep easily while being carried by his dad as compared to his mummy.

Luqman comfortably asleep on Mr's shoulder.

As for me, I don't even feel like I'm missing out at all. Because you know, thanks to breastfeeding, that bonding between a mother and a child will always be there. But I'm actually pretty happy to see that bond, and also happy that I get my space and my time to rest sometimes. It was fun with the first one, but to be honest, very tiring when you child always wants mummy.

And when we look at the situation again, it is not because Mr. had more time now, or because Aisya was taken care by my mom and her helper. But Mr. realized and agreed, that he didn't really make that much effort in trying to bond with his child, because he was afraid to handle such a fragile baby, and he didn't really know how to, and he just let the mummy handle it all because it's mummy's job. "Its not like the baby wants me pun,"

My point here is this. I know many reading this post are modern parents, where both, husbands and wives, are working to support the family. Some, husbands supporting the family financially more, some pretty equal, and some, even the wives bringing in more income than the husbands. If your partner can make that effort in sharing the reponsibility, it is only fair that you also share her responsibility too. Make that extra effort in taking care of your children. Make that extra effort to bathe them in the morning, to serve them breakfast, to soothe them when they're crying, to put them to sleep! Then only you will understand, not only the sacrifices of your wife, but also the sacrfices of your own mom. Then only you will understand your child better and bond with them better. Then only, you will see how well developed your child is.

Barulah jadik modern cool-daddy!

You probably would have read in one of my recent posting here that we're both trying to work out taking care of the house and the kids together. Which means Mr. is also helping out with housework.

However ladies, please beware, getting your husbands helping out might also mean that he will say these.


While sweeping the floor:

"Hish, rambut you ni banyak nya gugur, better go and potong rambut je lah,"(postpartum- duh!)


While folding clothes: 

"Why don't you just wear the same baju tidur for a few nights?"

"Aisya, nanti lepas mandi, pakai je baju ni balik,"


While washing the dishes:

"I think we better makan dalam talam je lah! Senang, semua pakai satu pinggan je,"

"Okay, everyone drink from this one glass je. We share okay! Hah tak payah basuh banyak pinggan,"

"Next time, let's stick to just one dish per meal. Sayur ayam semua campur sekali in one dish. Tak payah banyak kena bersihkan, kan?"

Makan dalam talam

_____________________________

Hahahahaha. Now you know what we mommies go through right?

If you click on this video above, you'll see how my baby Luqman puts himself to sleep at 2 months old.

Mom used to tell me that I used to shake my head left and right before I doze off to sleep. I thought she was just exageratting the story, UNTIL I see it myself in both my kids! Looks cute actually hihi but this helps me to understand that he's already tired. What I will do next is I'll change him into his PJs and zip him up into his wearable blanket (as seen in video), and put him in his crib, and walaaa...! He will then put himself to sleep.

Just like his sister Aisya, that habit slowly worn off by the time he reached 4 months. Now that he's turning 5 months, he sometimes still shake his head left and right, but signs of him sleepy is not the same anymore.

Many times I've been asked whether I sleep train my baby Luqman to sleep. Here's something I would like to share.

Actually, when Aisya was very little, I developed a habit of nursing her to sleep.  I was juggling between my full time job and part time business at that time, so when it comes to putting my child to sleep, I was too tired to be rocking her to sleep. So, when its time to sleep, I just put her right next to me, feed her, while we both go to sleep, sometimes with my shirt all up.

Halfway down the road, when she was about 8 months or so, I realized that she was dependent on the nipple to sleep! And I became annoyed that our bedtimes were the same and I didn't have that me-time after the baby was asleep (like now!), and whenever I pulled my nipple out, she was crying looking for it if she wasn't full asleep. My body was also aching from the different weird positions of breastfeeding. And worst of all, I didn't really sleep well.

Trying to end this, I looked for ways to train Aisya to sleep. I ordered this book called 'The Sleep Lady®’s Good Night, Sleep Tight: Gentle Proven Solutions to Help Your Child Sleep Well and Wake Up Happy' from Amazon. I got in touched with Sarah Ong (from Sleep Champ Baby) Malaysia's first certified and most trusted baby and child sleep consultant. However I didn't proceed with the follow up consultations because I find it a little bit pricey. I read lots and lots of articles and I knew what needed to be done, but implementing it on the other hand, is not as simple. I had an even harder time to break the habit that I just gave up and just continued on until she started fully weaning off breastfeeding. (you can read about her weaning off story here)

With Luqman, I decided to be discipline from the start! I realized that it has all got to do with routines & disciplines.

Alhamdulillah for his self-soothing head shaking phase, I have established that 9pm will be his sleeping time. I make sure that he is fed and full. And then I will bring him to our room. It has to be the same room. Remember, routine.

I will put him into his blanket. I give him a kiss and tell him "Its time for you to sleep now Luqman," and then I put him in his crib.

Set the right mood. I put a few drops of Lavender Essential Oil into my YL Diffuser. I also dropped Lavender Essential Oil on his soft toy. You do know that lavender oil is the remedy for a GOOD NIGHT sleep, right? Go google.


And then, I switch off the lights, leaving the door slightly open for some dim light.

Throughout this process, it is important to keep your baby in the sleeping mood. Don't make him smile and laugh. Don't get him excited. Don't play with him. Avoid eye contact.

If he's really sleepy, he shakes his head a little, hug and rub his face on the soft toy, and goes to sleep on his own. Sometimes, when he looks a little bit restless (usually after a lot of new absorbtion during the day), I assist him by singing some dhikir song (or anything but remember that it should be the same song for sleeping time ya) and give him some pat until he looks calm and sleepy but not until he sleeps. Make sure, no eye contact!

Luqman with his infused lavender soft toy

It is important to understand that babies need to LEARN to SLEEP. Yes, it sounds weird but we adults have passed that learning process and we know how to go to sleep easily on our own. So, we must assist babies to LEARN to sleep but not assist them to sleep righaway - get it? It's that PROCESS that they need to LEARN. If we keep putting them to sleep in a certain way, they will always depend on rocking or patting or nursing to sleep. Unless, of course, you don't mind doing that every night.

Once in a while, when we have weddings or late nights, we do break the routine. Sometimes, he falls asleep on his own, but most of the time we will get a sleepy cranky baby at 9pm-ish. I guess its ok to break the routine once in a while, as long as it doesn't happen a few night continously in a row, or you'll have to established the whole routine again.

I've been getting more time for myself and for Aisya after Luqman is asleep. I get to read books to his bigger sister before her sleeping time. I get to stream movies or catch up on Casey Neistat's latest youtube videos. Spend some time with Mr. Read books. Do some house cleaning. Write (or most of the time draft) a blogpost!

I also get my own bedspace to sleep! Not having shoulder or bad aches!

I really hope that this sharing can help new mommies to avoid all that long minutes of rocking or patting or nursing and have that good night sleep (and not wait till the 2nd baby!) Hopefully a short-cut. If you have the time, do read the book - highly recommended.

Till then, all the best mommies!

Today, I would like to talk about that piece of cloth that covers my head, the hijaab (or tudung or shawl as some may call it). As some of you may know, I started wearing the hijaab back in 2011. A decision that I made just randomly and suddenly. And then, I removed it that same year.

I wore it again, after getting married to Mr. and Alhamdulillah, now I feel ashamed of even thinking of removing it again. Now, I'm on a journey of really covering my aurat, not just by putting a piece of cloth over my head, but trying my best to dress modestly and decently.

Mr. on the other hand, has been keeping his beard ever since we got married, to practice following the sunnah of our beloved Prophet (PBUH).

Both, the beard and the hijaab, is more like an identity we carry as Muslims. Like a uniform.
We both noticed how when we meet another brother or sister with a beard or in a hijaab, we can gladly give our salams - like a secret code to say - hey, we're the same!

Image: https://blogofthebeardedone.files.wordpress.com

Little did I know, Mr. confessed to me a few days ago, "Do you know that I have thought of shaving off my beard a few times before? Especially when the beard is in the growing stage, when it looks all scruffy and messy? Teringin jugak nak rasa macam dulu, looking young and good without the beard,"

It hit me that the same thing happened to me during that first attempt of wearing the hijaab. Teringin rasa macam nak stylo mylo dengan rambut balik, takdalah rasa macam makcik sangat....

My mom confessed the same thing too! Bila I tengok kawan-kawan I semua bergaya dengan rambut, I memang terpikir nak bukak tudung masa baru pakai dulu....

Oh, the challenge you go through when you want to change!

And then when you've conquered your mind, magically, the hijaab and the beard just fits you, and just be apart of you. And then you move on to improving yourself in other areas.

So you know what? Just. Stop. Criticizing. Others. Who. Wants. To. Change.

That self-battle that they have to go through. And even if they fail, keep making doa for them. We all wanna be a better person everyday.

My point here is that both men and women have their own versions of hijaab.

So ladies, lets start dressing up modestly, and men, stop judging the ladies and criticizing them about not covering up properly, and start growing your beard please! That's YOUR hijaab!

May Allah reward us for our intentions and for our istiqomahs in strenghtening our imaan!

A LOT has happened from the last time I updated my blog.

We have now moved to our new house, back to Subang Jaya (looks like I cannot seem to get out of this town!) where everything is accessible and nearby. Our place in Shah Alam is now under airbnb (check it out here). Little Luqman will be turning 4 months in 4 more days. Aisya is being such a loving and caring sister, that sometimes it annoys his brother hihi, too much kisses Kakak!

As for me? Oh now, I'm like a Working-At-Home-Mom (WAHM) - or MOMpreneur - whichever fits well.

The idea of moving back to Subang Jaya is because Zaahara's office is here in SS15, Aisya's school is also here, and my parents place is also nearby. The plan post pantang initially was to send Aisya off to school in the morning and then the little one to my mom's, while me and Mr. head to the office to get work done.

During the pantang period, my mom and sister ventured into opening up a dessert bar (check it out here), and so my mom will not be as free as she was with Aisya - and so was her house helper. It was during those times that I knew, things will be different this time around - we will have to be entirely independent.

So what is our daily routine, typically?

Luqman wakes me up for Fajr (yes, the baby is our alarm clock hehe). Around 8am, I wake Aisya up to get her ready for school. About 8.30am, Mr. sends her off to school and then later pick her up at noon. As for me, I sometimes follow him to the office if there's work needed to be done there, or sometimes, I stay home, and work from home. Luqman? Follows me where-ever I go.

I divide my time at home between work, doing house chores, and also spending time with the kids. Since me and Mr. are both running the business at the moment, our responsibilities at home are being shared too. Mr. has been very helpful! - helping out doing the laundry, sweeping and mopping the floor, washing the dishes, and sometimes bathing the kids.

"I need you to help out with Zaahara because it is growing, and I cannot do this myself. So, I will also help out with the house and the kids. We're a team, in the office and at home, " Mr. told me.

Don't I get tired?

Juggling all these is definitely tiring - but I try not to think about it but just do it. We are both growing the company and so sacrifices need to be made until the company is financially stable. And you know what's even tiring? Not having a boss (ha-ha) - not having that person to tell you what to do and that you have to constantly self-motivate and set your own datelines and schedules.

However, we're both enjoying every bit of it! Getting to spend that amount of time with my kids and watching them grow and develop - I wouldn't have it any other way. I also like the fact that I now get to cook for my family (something that I really enjoyed doing back in my uni years and missing when I was working 9-5 in that corporate office) - and provide my child with fresh home cooked food, and monitor her nutrition diet.

To be honest, I got a little off guard when we first moved in. I guess because I was a little pampered before, with the help from mom. And also because it never ever occured to me before, that I will be doing all these housework, ourselves - and then take full care of the kids - ourselves. I just never saw myself to be that kind of person.

Hey, you cannot get everything in this world, can you?

Alhamdulillah, after 2 months, I've also settled to a routine that I'm comfortable with. What's important is that my mindset has also switched and I'm happy with how things are now - alhough still settling in.

However, that thought of hiring a fulltime house helper? Yes, that's still there at the back of my head! Probably 1-2 years down the road insyaAllah.

Luqman is officially 2 months old today. I woke up, with the plan to bring him for his 2 months jab, however ended up bringing his sister to the paed as well.

39 degrees! I panicked as it has been quite sometime since Aisya last had a temperature that high.
A visit to the paed's clinic later confirmed that she has sore throat, and after checking Luqman, it seems that he is slightly infected too. So no jabs for him today. Until he is stronger.

Little Aisya has been fighting cold and flu, off and on, for the past two months or so. It annoys me that she gets better over the weekend, and then when she goes to school on Monday, her nose starts getting runny again. Or she starts coughing, with phlegm. "It's the same old story I've been hearing!," said the doctor today.

Last week, when Luqman started having a slight flu, I was determined to make sure that my two kids get well soonest!. So I started giving Aisya honey and multivitamins daily. Invested in Young Living Essential Oil and turn them on at night. Let her inhale steam to break the phlegm. As for Luqman, I dropped saline solution in his nose to decongest the mucus. And they were all getting better! Last 2 days, Aisya's cough had stopped and there was no more flu and I was happy!She missed school last week. And then she went back to school on Monday, and then this happened.

"I guess she will go through another round of flu and cold!" said the doctor.

Oh no....not again!

Tonight, the two of them will be sleeping seperately. Mr. with Aisya. Me with the baby. Aisya was looking much better towards the end of the day. Must make sure baby gets better too (although he looks pretty ok! Thanks to breast milk)

I know its good for the kids immune system. To build up a strong immune system when being introduced to virus. But ohhh myyyyyy.....

Alright. Let's say Alhamdulillah to this instead. For every hardships, there is a hidden blessing.

And then I realized something, did I make dua to Allah to cure my children? Have I forgotten that He cures? Astaghfirullah!

A while ago, I've shared a Facebook status on something that I received via whatsapp for the mummies out there who are worried for not being able to carry out their ibadah like others this Ramadhan. They will still be rewarded for carrying out their responsibilities, as long as their niat is for Allah.

Truth is, after reading that, I've been trying to change my niat to carry out my responsibilities as a wife, a mom, a daughter etc. for the sake of Allah and let me tell you this, it's a battle with my innerself!

There's that whinning in your head, complaining about how things are a little messy at this point of time. Two kids, I tell you 💆🏻💆🏻💆🏻

And I don't complain out loud to those around me, because, I'm trying hard to tell myself "Lilahi Ta'ala".

It's easier said than done.

I know that we're adjusting to this beautiful new mess.

And we will keep on adjusting because change is constant in this life.

With Aisya, we managed to follow the practice of our Prophet PBUH on the 7th day but not all of them. This time around, with the advice and guidance of Sheikh Zoubir and also my father-in-law, Pawan Chik, we decided to follow all of them, as follows:

Alhamdulillah, I smoothly delivered Baby L last Friday. It was a short delivery, but a painful one this time around. Will write about it in another post later.

So, here it is, say hello to confinement!

Things seem to be much easier this time around, more manageable. I guess experience does come in handy.

Breastfeeding.

How latching can be a problem for babies during the first few days. Because while mummy is trying to remember that she needs to guide baby's mouth to the nipple, baby is also learning the whole latching and sucking.

How engorged your breast can be during the confinement period as the body adjusts to the babies needs. Pump out milk if it gets too engorged, or you'll end up getting a fever! Pump and store.

How painful it is when the baby first latches on the nipple, it's so painful but only for a few seconds until the let down period comes. I know that after a month or so, we both become a team and the breastfeeding journey starts becoming beautiful. Patience. Strong will and mind.

Oh and don't forget those crack nipples! Put on those cream when baby's sleeping. It will all go away.

Sleepless nights.

Oh don't even mention. But with the mind all ready for it, I know that when its time to wake up, just do it. Catch up on some sleep during the day. Don't think too much about it. The rule is, "When baby sleeps, you sleep...."

Glad that this time around, I have Mr. assisting me with changing diapers. One of the perks of working on our own.

Confinement. 

What to eat, what not to eat. Socks to be worn at all times. Etc.etc.

I think different people choose to berpantang differently. I would say that there's different levels to it. If you're a Level 10, then you're the type who will sleep with your bengkung and eat all the jamus and pati ikan haruan and only drink half glass of water and don't eat at night (or something like that..) for the next 44 days.

I'm not too sure which level I'm at, but I do wear socks all the time because when I don't I can feel the chills in my body. I drink water, lots of them. Because I breastfeed my baby and water is necessary. I don't understand why people say "Jgn minum banyak air..nanti kembung.."

I enjoy pantang food. I like how simple and tasty it is. Also because when I breastfeed, I'm always hungry so you can give me any food, I will eat them. Just like the previous time, I do not enjoy spicy food during this period because my tummy still feels very sensitive.

How is Aisya adjusting?

Aisya has been quite a lovable sister, actually a little too much haha. She kisses Baby L all the time and it annoys me because she has a slight cold. Telling her every minute "Don't kiss yet until you get better," is really tiring.

"You're so cute baby...you're so cute," she'd say. And she doesn't know how to be gentle with the fragile baby.

Oh well, at least she's not jealous ( I hope! )

Can't wait for confinement to end and a Baby L to be a bit stronger. I remember enjoying Aisya at 2 months plus. Easier to handle. Not too fragile.

Alright, nursing time!

Hello little brother :)

Wikipedia: Braxton Hicks contractions, also known as prodromal labor or practice contractions, or false labor, are sporadic uterine contractions that sometimes start around six weeks into a pregnancy. However, they are not usually felt until the second trimester or third trimester of pregnancy. 

I don't remember feeling any of these during my first pregnancy. The only contraction I felt, was the real one, in which I was already in labour a few hours after that. However, this time around, they are pretty obvious, especially in my third trimester. Feels like that sudden tightening of the uterus/abdomen that lasts for a few minutes and then it goes off.

However lately, the Braxton Hicks can be quite painful! You just gotta breathe in and out a few times and wait for that 30 seconds - 1 minute to pass by and the pain will go away.

The past few weeks, TWICE, I woke up in the middle of the night, thinking that I'm already having the real contractions. I couldn't sleep, my abdomen hurts as contractions came every half and hour and they last for 30 seconds each - just like how a real labour should be. After 5 times, suddenly I realized that I'm already awake for Subuh prayers - false alarm!


Of course, I woke up, and checked my labour bag again, and my baby checklist - just to ensure that I didn't miss anything out. Getting me more organized, huh?

The last pregnancy, I had diarrhea one day before my delivery day and also during contractions. I was confused whether I was having diarrhea or contractions that when I went into labour, I was already 4cm dilated. Over the weekend, I had diarrhea. And then, I was like "Err.... is this it? Is it?" .....and then it turned out to be false alarm again!

It is very very confusing ok!

Anyways, I was talking to my cousin doctor, she said if it's becoming more obvious, then maybe the date is approaching.

Oklah, I will beranak next weekend then! (dengan confidentnya....ngehehhe)

#38weeks

My daughter was down with slight fever last night. (What is it with school and always falling sick?)

Anyways, alhamdulillah, this time around, she can take the medicine straight from the spoon. I remember just about a few months back, we had to force the medicine down her throat through a syringe. I thought that she may have gotten the medicine phobia from Mr. (who still doesn't take pills at 33 years old!) but somehow, deep inside, I knew that its just a matter of what's in your head.

Yesterday, I had to give a little talk to her - telling her that if she wants to get better, she needs to take a spoon of the orange meds. Told her to smell it, "See! Sedap kan bau?" "Yes mummy, like orange!" and then I convinced her that she can straight away drink plain water if she doesn't like the taste. Actually, nothing new, the same things that I've told her before, but it never seem to work. This time around, she said "Ok mummy," and then hesitated again and then said "Ok mummy," again and then opened her mouth.



Of course, there was a little bit of a drama-cough and straight away grabbed for some water - but alhamdulillah, this time around, NO vomitting - thus no need to force the medicine in.
_______________________________________________________________________

Last night, at 4 am in the morning, my 3 year old daughter woke me up from sleep. She wanted milk and also water. Took her temperature, as expected, temperature increased during the night sleep. Told her that she needs to take another round of medicine. She didn't say much and just opened her mouth. Took a teaspoon of paracetamol, drank some more water, and then finished off a bottle of milk to sleep.

And then, this mummy could not go back to sleep because she has just woken up Baby L in her tummy. He was suddenly actively moving in my tummy.

Preparing me for what's coming in a few weeks I guess?

#37weeks #ineedmysleep #motherhood

After 2 weeks of trying to turn Baby L around, yesterday was an anxious moment for me. Mr's final advise to me is to make a nazar (nadhr - a vow to Allah) and so during my Zuhur prayers, I made a nadhr, to give out a certain-certain amount of charity over the weekend if Baby L turns.

Alhamdulillah, Baby L turned, and it was such a relief! It was like the greatest news I've heard for quite some time!

It felt like a heavy burden is being carried away from my shoulders.

And now, I'm all set - just waiting for the time. It's time to focus on the right mind set for the labour day. Lots of dua, lots of positivity. Lots of dhizkir and quran. Bismillah! #36weeks

Last weekend, Mr. joined his RootWommers group (Word-of-Mouth Marketing) for a roadshow in Malacca. He told me one morning, "Let's go for a short trip to Melaka!" and I said, "Okay!" rightaway.

I was already in my 34th week of pregnancy then, and the idea of a random getaway just before Baby No.2 pops out sounds pretty good! It was only about 2 hours away, so I guess its okay.

We brought Aisya to the Malacca Zoo when we first arrived. It was a weekday, thus the zoo was pretty quiet. However, there was still a birdshow that Aisya really enjoyed watching! She kept asking for the show again after that. The last time we brought her to the zoo was when she was about 1.5years I think. We could only see reactions from her and also a word or two like, "Bird", "Moo" etc. This time around, it was pretty fun to hear her comments and stories and reactions. She was referring a lot of the animals to the movie Lion King and also Madagascar, saying things like "I want to see more animals mummy!"




After that, we also visited my old high school, Kolej Yayasan Saad. Didn't realize that I didn't bring Mr. here before. I thought I did! Mr. was impressed with the school, saying things like "No wonder budak-budak sekolah korang power," and "I think there's no more excuse for you not to excel in what you do," (pressure! pressure!) but I on the other hand, had a lot of memories coming back. I remembered how much fun high school was, and how I miss being around people who are always motivated and excel in all that they do. I was determined that my children will not only have the same kind of education, but better!

Here's a short video of my trip back to school:

Other than that, we did the usual Malacca touristy- thing; we had asam pedas at Kota Laksamana (which was really good btw) and also had cendol at Jonker Street, bought some nyonya pineapple tarts.

However, things turned sour when Aisya fell down a bench, head first! She was crying and crying and the she stopped and fell asleep. I wasn't that worried initially but when she woke up from sleep, and then vomitted, I became worried. Everyone knows that a head fall, followed by vomitting is an emergency. And we were in Malacca!

After 3 more time of vomitting, we decided to bring her to the nearest private hospital, which was KPJ. Brought her to ER, and then when Dr. examined her, she told us that her worry is not the concussion, but actually internal brain bleeding.

Initially, I was worried. But the word 'internal brain bleeding' really got me. Aisya had to go through a CT scan and while waiting for the results, I tried my best to keep calm. Both me and Mr. But I guess the waiting was a little too long and then suddenly, I just broke down and cried. My mind was going to unexpected places! What if.... What if....

You can imagine how relieved I was when Dr. called us and told us that everything looks okay; no cracks, no bleeding. Alhamdulillah, it was probably only a slight concussion that may have caused dizziness - which may have resulted to her subsequent vomiting.


Oh my. Being a mom, I tell you, can really be a rollercoaster ride of emotions! Always, always testing you. Having to smile and show that I'm strong to my child, when the truth is, inside, I was really really scared.

Things can just happen, randomly, out of nowhere. It was a good reminder for me. It was an incident, that couldn't be avoided. She just fell down! But here's the thing, are you always prepared for the worst consequences?

Today, I spent some time in the pool as part of the exercise to turn the breech baby. Out of all the exercises suggested, swimming sounds like a great idea since its something that I love to do. Although, beware, post swimming can be a little bit exhausting for this preggy mummy.

This is what I did today:

• 10x handstands in the pool - I used to do this a lot before. Somehow being pregnant felt a little bit heavier. Mr. helped to hold my legs so that I could stand vertically on my hands
• Swimming - moderately so as to not exert myself. Swimming helps to keep body and pelvix loose and relaxed.  This will also help relax the abdominal muscle to give baby more room to turn! 
• It seems that just staying in the water helps too! Being in deep water will squeeze the fluids in your tissues into your bloodstream and increase the volume of amniotic fluid.

Of course had this cheeky girl with her mummy too. She was helping Mr. to hold my legs upright and then tried doing handstands too - in armfloats!

During my last checkup last week, doctor was scanning as usual and suddenly said "Eh! Kenapa pulak kepala kat atas ni..?"  Shocked to see the baby's head at the top instead of at the bottom.

This pregnancy hormone making you do weird things... its real people! Now at my 33 weeks of pregnancy, I get easily annoyed with people around me. I feel like I'm becoming this bitter monster!

It's so tiring to even speak, I can easily get annoyed with people asking me questions, be it stupid or intelligent. There was this one time, Kak Nanny (our helper at home) asked what to cook for dinner, and then when I said "Keluarkan ayam...", she said "semalam sudah ayam....", and then I said "sotong..." and then she said "Takkan sotong saja?" and then that was it, I got annoyed. "Keluarkan je lah ayam tu!" Like wow! Tiger!

And then there's my 3 year old daughter who's in the phase of asking questions. "Why there's no sun today mummy?" "Mummy, animals pakai baju tak? Why tak pakai? Why only human pakai baju?"

"Because that's just how it is Aisya!" Brrrrrrr....

And then Mr. who likes to discuss with me on the business at odd hours, like just before sleep or right upon waking up.. "Ahaa....Hmm..." That is all I can answer and then the next minute, I'm already asleep. Haha.

"Why you so garang?" Mr. would ask me.

"Because you're asking me ridiculous questions....!" I would say.

"Ok, it's the hormone... I get it.."...kesian dia.

"Hah, tau pun..." still not giving in.

Anyways a few days ago, I was feeling a little stressed out because it was a really hot day and I find everyone around me annoying. I guess Mr. noticed and right before our maghrib prayers, he said "Let's go to Mydin and get your Sengkuang Calit"

I don't know what got into me, but I was feeling emotional during solat, and then right after, when I salaam his hands, I cried... I cried so hard. And he just hugged me and said "It's okay, it's just the hormone... just let it out,"

I just cried and cried and said "I don't really know why I'm crying," and then suddenly I smiled. Crazy stuff I tell you this pregnancy hormone!

And then there's my husband, who can be super annoying I feel like strangling him sometimes, and then be this random sweet understanding guy out of nowhere.

So tips to husbands with pregnant wives, always remember, no matter what, your wife wins! She's got a baby inside her. ok! That should give her extra credit. Ngehehehe.

Me and Mr. have been discussing this from the year before. The right age to send your toddler to school differs from different parent's needs and views.

We chose to send Aisya to school at 3 years old. My parents say "It's a good decision!" and some other parents tell me, "She's too young..."

Aisya grew up having the privilege to be at home with her grandparents. She didn't have to attend nursery/daycare at an early age. Alhamdulillah, rezeki dia.

However now at almost 3 years old, she is in need of socializing, especially because she's the only child. Sometimes I notice that she becomes bored at home of her toys and books, and she ends up in front of the computer, watching YouTube, that can sometimes last for hours.

I don't blame my parents and the nanny at home because it is not their job to entertain my kid. I on the other hand, although have quit my full time job, am not a full-time stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). Yes,  I have more flexible time with my child now - but I'm not always there with her. I have a business in need of attention to grow into a company.

So the routine these days is that she attends playschool from 9am-12pm. During this time, I will be in the office. At 12, I pick her up, send her to my mom's place and spend about an hour or so with her, reading books and listening to her stories, until she doze off, and then I'm back in the office again. By about 5pm, I should be back at my mom's place again.

Glad that office is only 2 minutes away from mom's place!

What does she do in school? It's not like she is attending a school with exams and homeworks. In a typical montessori, they respect a child's natural psychological, physical and social development, so their typical playschool activity include singing, dancing and playing, doing some paintings and colouring, learn some islamic duas/prayers. Personally, I have seen a significant improvement in her social skills, alhamdulillah.

Aisya during artclass

My child now has less time 'feeling bored' which will usually result to youtube on the desktop computer. She looks forward to playing with the kitten at home, and then read some books, and play with her toys before having the chance to feel bored. I noticed that youtube is always her FINAL destination when she is out of idea on what else to do.

If you are the type who spends quality time with your kid at home everyday, go ahead, do so. That would be really good for your kid. Some parents enjoy homeschooling. Good! Somehow, I don't think I have the patience to spend the WHOLE day with my kid at home and entertain her - I'm just not that kind of person. I can easily lose my patience.  Some choose to send to nursery, which is okay too, because they get to socialize.

There may be studies that prove that sending your kid later can lower down the possibility of getting ADHD or hyperactive or what not. There are also parents saying that they want to let their child enjoy childhood. There will always be different opinions.

But here's my two cents.

Aisya and her playschool friends

Aisya's been playing games in her playschool, "practicing" for sports day. She tells me after school the past week or so, "Today, Aisya play games!"

A few days before the sports day, I got her mind prepared by telling her stories on how the day will be - "...there will be lots of people.. we will be cheering for you..aisya must win ok!"

Felt super kiasu asking her to win and all, so the night before I told her "It's ok if you don't win ok Aisya.. just make sure you have fun!" #confusingmom #idontthinkshegetsit

So anyways, Sports Day started 7.30 am (SUPER EARLY) because they wanted to make sure that it doesn't get too hot for the kids. We left home about 6.45am and somehow WAZE got us somewhere else (you know how you always get lost in Putrajaya even with WAZE).. so we arrived 15 mins late, and we got a little chaotic, looking for her tent and her teachers and all. I guess Aisya, who just got up a few minutes before arriving, also got shocked with everything and didn't get enough time to warm up.

So, you get this......

not in the mood... still sleepy.. I don't want sports day, mummy...

Luckily, Mr. being the tougher one, just grabbed her and put her with her friends. She was reluctant at first, but her teacher held her hands and cheered for her to run, and then she saw us, and then, her mood started kicking in. She ran.. and did the whole sukaneka thing (put stars in holes, crawl, run etc...) and then she was already smiling... :)




I guess she doesn't really understand what 'sports day' really is.. but after that, I think she got it. "Mummy, I like sports day... Tadi Aisya lari laju mummy!"  (yaaaa... righttt.....)

Aisya telling her story...

At the end of the event, this kiasu-and-confused mummy was pretty happy because you know what, everyone got a prize! Hihihi. That's a good one, Brainy Bunch! Everyone is a winner ;)

Showing off her medal

The whole support team! (and Aisya who is still admiring her medal,....)

Aisya's been a little bit more cunning these days. We parents, need to learn and be smarter!

Last week, during Sheikh Zoubir's weekly classes, I learned something new.
You know how we can be very particular on which Mazhab we belong to, and we should stick to our Mazhab?

During class, a sister questioned, "Sheikh, in Makkah, the imaam does not recite Dua Qunut during subuh prayers. We as the Shafie Mazhab, do we have to do the two sajadahs after solat?"

"No, we must always follow the imaam.. "

"It seems that only the Shafie Mazhab recites the Dua Qunut during Subuh prayers. There are some that says that it is sunnat, so the two sajadahs after solat is not required?"

"In the Shafie Mazhab, dua qunut is sunnatul wajib, meaning if you don't do it, yes, do the two sajadahs (sujud sahwi). Please, just follow what you've been taught. But let's say, you forgot the two sajadahs, its okay. You're not sinning. "

At one point Sheikh said, "Do you know that all the mazhabs are all followers of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). They follow the sunnah, so there is no right or wrong mazhabs,"

The only problem lies within taa'sub followers, even to the extend that they set marriage only within the same mazhabs. We are all Muslims. And we follow the Quran and the practices of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).

And then he shared a story about the companions of the Prophets, during the era of His living. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said to the companions "Do not pray Asar until you reach your destination,"

Halfway through the journey, the azaan came. Half of the troops stop and perform the asar prayers, following the prophet's advice on praying on time. The other half continued on and only prayed Asar upon reaching their destination. When the troops met Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), they asked Him, which act is right. And he said "Both are right, because both followed my advice,"

So, you see, even in that era, there's confusions between what's right and what's wrong... what more now, 1400 years after the Hijrah!

His advice: Always be open to the teaching of the different mazhabs. And accept the hadiths of the scholars. Imam Bukhari & Imam Muslims are scholars, 200 years after the era of imam of mazhabs. Be open and accept them all and don't be too taa'sub.

Note: Purely rephrasing and sharing what I learned from Sheikh during the class. I may understand differently. Please, don't quote him. 

Aisya's Current Age: 3 Years  Baby's Current Age: 29 weeks in womb 

I try to make it a habit to read before Aisya goes to sleep at night to wind her down and also to cultivate the reading habit. However these days, the pregnancy is really getting to me and by 10, I'm yawning away. So sometimes,  Mr. does the reading instead, which he can always last for 5 minutes tops!

You can really see how we're both different, coming from different ways of growing up. When I read the book, I will read each and every word, together with expression and intonation, showing the words as I read. Mr. on the other hand, will somehow skip certain sentences and then asks Aisya on the characters in the book, and then skip the stories and never finish the book! (taknak ikut peraturan ok!) Sometimes I question, why can't you just read the book as it is?

I think last night, he got bored of reading the same book again and again, he just closed the book and said "Okay Aisya, let me tell you a story instead,"

And then he started creating his own fairytale, with Aisya and mummy and ayah in the story, with the little baby coming, and then there's aeroplanes and horses and beaches and hotels. Aisya was mesmerized! Slowly dozzing off to sleep....

And then it hit me. My husband has always been a dramatic guy with a lot of stories and imaginations. He's a dreamer. He will always come out with random "Cuba you bayangkan...." moments with additional characters and all. Of course he would enjoy telling his stories instead of reading a storybook for his child! 

I don't think I'm a storyteller which is why it is easier if I just read the book to her. My impromptu storytelling may only last... say... 2 minutes? I'm the follow-by-the-book kinda person hehe. 

I'm glad that that happened yesterday. I'm glad that I realized now,  how our both different ways can help shape our child to be well-rounded insyaAllah. 

There really isn't a right or wrong way of parenting really. 

For the past 1 year or so, Aisya has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor. With baby no.2 coming, I thought it would be a good idea to get a bed for her. She's also big enough now, no more jatuh katil.

Alhamdulillah, we got a secondhand Ikea junior bed from a friend for only RM150 and so we bought her new sheets.



She was all excited!

Mr. thinks that she should sleep in her own room, but her manja mummy thinks that she should still be in the same room with mummy hehe.

How has it been? She will sleep in her own bed but will run to ours at 3-4 am in the morning.
To me, that is good enough! At least I get 4-5 hours of sleep without her kicking me and harassing me.

Mummy is now 6 months preggy and she needs her sleep too ok! (Getting my mind ready for another round of sleepless night with second baby...huarghhhhh...#notcomplaining)

It's Aisya's first day of school today!

(Actually, its more like a 3-hours playschool for her to socialize with kids her age)

We've been preparing her mind from weeks before on school:
+ Brought her there to let her familiarize with the place
+ Showed pictures of her friends in class that had registered last week
+ Keep on telling her to inform 'aunty' if she needs to go to the toilet
+ Repeatedly telling her that she needs to sleep early for school
+ Told her that 'susu botol' is only for early in the morning upon waking up and also just before sleeping at night.

Surprisingly, last night she slept at 8pm instead of the usual 12am! (without me forcing her)

This morning, she woke up excited. She didn't want 'susu botol' at all and said "Aisya dah big girl laaa,".

When she saw her school, she said "Waaaaa!" smiling excited.

Upon reaching her school, she was okay.

Until.... another kid arrived and cried "Ayah.. ayah..." And she looked back at me said "mummy...!" in a worried face. Hugged her tightly and told her that "Everything is okay Aisya. Mummy will come later to pick you up," and introduced her to 'aunty'.

After that, she went in straight to her class and never looked back. Mummy on the other hand, got a little bit emotional looking at her little girl, all independent and grown up. (+ the pregnancy hormone haha) And at that moment, ayah dia pulak, cool je. "Steady la anak I," pastu cakap "Jom pegi pasar," Ceit!
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When I picked her up from school, she looked jovial and happy and then she said, "Tadi Aisya carik mummy, pastu mummy dah takda... then Aisya nangis in school,"

Oh no....Kesian lah pulak!

Be strong mummy! This happens to most kids during their first week of school it seems, I told myself. Hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.