rawakramblings

A few months back, I blogged about me being a mompreneur - juggling between these and that. It was about a month ago that I realized that I cannot do-it-all. I'm trying too hard to be perfect in each area and I'm not doing my best in any of it.

A LOT has happened from the last time I updated my blog.

We have now moved to our new house, back to Subang Jaya (looks like I cannot seem to get out of this town!) where everything is accessible and nearby. Our place in Shah Alam is now under airbnb (check it out here). Little Luqman will be turning 4 months in 4 more days. Aisya is being such a loving and caring sister, that sometimes it annoys his brother hihi, too much kisses Kakak!

As for me? Oh now, I'm like a Working-At-Home-Mom (WAHM) - or MOMpreneur - whichever fits well.

The idea of moving back to Subang Jaya is because Zaahara's office is here in SS15, Aisya's school is also here, and my parents place is also nearby. The plan post pantang initially was to send Aisya off to school in the morning and then the little one to my mom's, while me and Mr. head to the office to get work done.

During the pantang period, my mom and sister ventured into opening up a dessert bar (check it out here), and so my mom will not be as free as she was with Aisya - and so was her house helper. It was during those times that I knew, things will be different this time around - we will have to be entirely independent.

So what is our daily routine, typically?

Luqman wakes me up for Fajr (yes, the baby is our alarm clock hehe). Around 8am, I wake Aisya up to get her ready for school. About 8.30am, Mr. sends her off to school and then later pick her up at noon. As for me, I sometimes follow him to the office if there's work needed to be done there, or sometimes, I stay home, and work from home. Luqman? Follows me where-ever I go.

I divide my time at home between work, doing house chores, and also spending time with the kids. Since me and Mr. are both running the business at the moment, our responsibilities at home are being shared too. Mr. has been very helpful! - helping out doing the laundry, sweeping and mopping the floor, washing the dishes, and sometimes bathing the kids.

"I need you to help out with Zaahara because it is growing, and I cannot do this myself. So, I will also help out with the house and the kids. We're a team, in the office and at home, " Mr. told me.

Don't I get tired?

Juggling all these is definitely tiring - but I try not to think about it but just do it. We are both growing the company and so sacrifices need to be made until the company is financially stable. And you know what's even tiring? Not having a boss (ha-ha) - not having that person to tell you what to do and that you have to constantly self-motivate and set your own datelines and schedules.

However, we're both enjoying every bit of it! Getting to spend that amount of time with my kids and watching them grow and develop - I wouldn't have it any other way. I also like the fact that I now get to cook for my family (something that I really enjoyed doing back in my uni years and missing when I was working 9-5 in that corporate office) - and provide my child with fresh home cooked food, and monitor her nutrition diet.

To be honest, I got a little off guard when we first moved in. I guess because I was a little pampered before, with the help from mom. And also because it never ever occured to me before, that I will be doing all these housework, ourselves - and then take full care of the kids - ourselves. I just never saw myself to be that kind of person.

Hey, you cannot get everything in this world, can you?

Alhamdulillah, after 2 months, I've also settled to a routine that I'm comfortable with. What's important is that my mindset has also switched and I'm happy with how things are now - alhough still settling in.

However, that thought of hiring a fulltime house helper? Yes, that's still there at the back of my head! Probably 1-2 years down the road insyaAllah.

Luqman is officially 2 months old today. I woke up, with the plan to bring him for his 2 months jab, however ended up bringing his sister to the paed as well.

39 degrees! I panicked as it has been quite sometime since Aisya last had a temperature that high.
A visit to the paed's clinic later confirmed that she has sore throat, and after checking Luqman, it seems that he is slightly infected too. So no jabs for him today. Until he is stronger.

Little Aisya has been fighting cold and flu, off and on, for the past two months or so. It annoys me that she gets better over the weekend, and then when she goes to school on Monday, her nose starts getting runny again. Or she starts coughing, with phlegm. "It's the same old story I've been hearing!," said the doctor today.

Last week, when Luqman started having a slight flu, I was determined to make sure that my two kids get well soonest!. So I started giving Aisya honey and multivitamins daily. Invested in Young Living Essential Oil and turn them on at night. Let her inhale steam to break the phlegm. As for Luqman, I dropped saline solution in his nose to decongest the mucus. And they were all getting better! Last 2 days, Aisya's cough had stopped and there was no more flu and I was happy!She missed school last week. And then she went back to school on Monday, and then this happened.

"I guess she will go through another round of flu and cold!" said the doctor.

Oh no....not again!

Tonight, the two of them will be sleeping seperately. Mr. with Aisya. Me with the baby. Aisya was looking much better towards the end of the day. Must make sure baby gets better too (although he looks pretty ok! Thanks to breast milk)

I know its good for the kids immune system. To build up a strong immune system when being introduced to virus. But ohhh myyyyyy.....

Alright. Let's say Alhamdulillah to this instead. For every hardships, there is a hidden blessing.

And then I realized something, did I make dua to Allah to cure my children? Have I forgotten that He cures? Astaghfirullah!

A while ago, I've shared a Facebook status on something that I received via whatsapp for the mummies out there who are worried for not being able to carry out their ibadah like others this Ramadhan. They will still be rewarded for carrying out their responsibilities, as long as their niat is for Allah.

Truth is, after reading that, I've been trying to change my niat to carry out my responsibilities as a wife, a mom, a daughter etc. for the sake of Allah and let me tell you this, it's a battle with my innerself!

There's that whinning in your head, complaining about how things are a little messy at this point of time. Two kids, I tell you 💆🏻💆🏻💆🏻

And I don't complain out loud to those around me, because, I'm trying hard to tell myself "Lilahi Ta'ala".

It's easier said than done.

I know that we're adjusting to this beautiful new mess.

And we will keep on adjusting because change is constant in this life.

With Aisya, we managed to follow the practice of our Prophet PBUH on the 7th day but not all of them. This time around, with the advice and guidance of Sheikh Zoubir and also my father-in-law, Pawan Chik, we decided to follow all of them, as follows:

Alhamdulillah, I smoothly delivered Baby L last Friday. It was a short delivery, but a painful one this time around. Will write about it in another post later.

So, here it is, say hello to confinement!

Things seem to be much easier this time around, more manageable. I guess experience does come in handy.

Breastfeeding.

How latching can be a problem for babies during the first few days. Because while mummy is trying to remember that she needs to guide baby's mouth to the nipple, baby is also learning the whole latching and sucking.

How engorged your breast can be during the confinement period as the body adjusts to the babies needs. Pump out milk if it gets too engorged, or you'll end up getting a fever! Pump and store.

How painful it is when the baby first latches on the nipple, it's so painful but only for a few seconds until the let down period comes. I know that after a month or so, we both become a team and the breastfeeding journey starts becoming beautiful. Patience. Strong will and mind.

Oh and don't forget those crack nipples! Put on those cream when baby's sleeping. It will all go away.

Sleepless nights.

Oh don't even mention. But with the mind all ready for it, I know that when its time to wake up, just do it. Catch up on some sleep during the day. Don't think too much about it. The rule is, "When baby sleeps, you sleep...."

Glad that this time around, I have Mr. assisting me with changing diapers. One of the perks of working on our own.

Confinement. 

What to eat, what not to eat. Socks to be worn at all times. Etc.etc.

I think different people choose to berpantang differently. I would say that there's different levels to it. If you're a Level 10, then you're the type who will sleep with your bengkung and eat all the jamus and pati ikan haruan and only drink half glass of water and don't eat at night (or something like that..) for the next 44 days.

I'm not too sure which level I'm at, but I do wear socks all the time because when I don't I can feel the chills in my body. I drink water, lots of them. Because I breastfeed my baby and water is necessary. I don't understand why people say "Jgn minum banyak air..nanti kembung.."

I enjoy pantang food. I like how simple and tasty it is. Also because when I breastfeed, I'm always hungry so you can give me any food, I will eat them. Just like the previous time, I do not enjoy spicy food during this period because my tummy still feels very sensitive.

How is Aisya adjusting?

Aisya has been quite a lovable sister, actually a little too much haha. She kisses Baby L all the time and it annoys me because she has a slight cold. Telling her every minute "Don't kiss yet until you get better," is really tiring.

"You're so cute baby...you're so cute," she'd say. And she doesn't know how to be gentle with the fragile baby.

Oh well, at least she's not jealous ( I hope! )

Can't wait for confinement to end and a Baby L to be a bit stronger. I remember enjoying Aisya at 2 months plus. Easier to handle. Not too fragile.

Alright, nursing time!

Hello little brother :)

My daughter was down with slight fever last night. (What is it with school and always falling sick?)

Anyways, alhamdulillah, this time around, she can take the medicine straight from the spoon. I remember just about a few months back, we had to force the medicine down her throat through a syringe. I thought that she may have gotten the medicine phobia from Mr. (who still doesn't take pills at 33 years old!) but somehow, deep inside, I knew that its just a matter of what's in your head.

Yesterday, I had to give a little talk to her - telling her that if she wants to get better, she needs to take a spoon of the orange meds. Told her to smell it, "See! Sedap kan bau?" "Yes mummy, like orange!" and then I convinced her that she can straight away drink plain water if she doesn't like the taste. Actually, nothing new, the same things that I've told her before, but it never seem to work. This time around, she said "Ok mummy," and then hesitated again and then said "Ok mummy," again and then opened her mouth.



Of course, there was a little bit of a drama-cough and straight away grabbed for some water - but alhamdulillah, this time around, NO vomitting - thus no need to force the medicine in.
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Last night, at 4 am in the morning, my 3 year old daughter woke me up from sleep. She wanted milk and also water. Took her temperature, as expected, temperature increased during the night sleep. Told her that she needs to take another round of medicine. She didn't say much and just opened her mouth. Took a teaspoon of paracetamol, drank some more water, and then finished off a bottle of milk to sleep.

And then, this mummy could not go back to sleep because she has just woken up Baby L in her tummy. He was suddenly actively moving in my tummy.

Preparing me for what's coming in a few weeks I guess?

#37weeks #ineedmysleep #motherhood

Last weekend, Mr. joined his RootWommers group (Word-of-Mouth Marketing) for a roadshow in Malacca. He told me one morning, "Let's go for a short trip to Melaka!" and I said, "Okay!" rightaway.

I was already in my 34th week of pregnancy then, and the idea of a random getaway just before Baby No.2 pops out sounds pretty good! It was only about 2 hours away, so I guess its okay.

We brought Aisya to the Malacca Zoo when we first arrived. It was a weekday, thus the zoo was pretty quiet. However, there was still a birdshow that Aisya really enjoyed watching! She kept asking for the show again after that. The last time we brought her to the zoo was when she was about 1.5years I think. We could only see reactions from her and also a word or two like, "Bird", "Moo" etc. This time around, it was pretty fun to hear her comments and stories and reactions. She was referring a lot of the animals to the movie Lion King and also Madagascar, saying things like "I want to see more animals mummy!"




After that, we also visited my old high school, Kolej Yayasan Saad. Didn't realize that I didn't bring Mr. here before. I thought I did! Mr. was impressed with the school, saying things like "No wonder budak-budak sekolah korang power," and "I think there's no more excuse for you not to excel in what you do," (pressure! pressure!) but I on the other hand, had a lot of memories coming back. I remembered how much fun high school was, and how I miss being around people who are always motivated and excel in all that they do. I was determined that my children will not only have the same kind of education, but better!

Here's a short video of my trip back to school:

Other than that, we did the usual Malacca touristy- thing; we had asam pedas at Kota Laksamana (which was really good btw) and also had cendol at Jonker Street, bought some nyonya pineapple tarts.

However, things turned sour when Aisya fell down a bench, head first! She was crying and crying and the she stopped and fell asleep. I wasn't that worried initially but when she woke up from sleep, and then vomitted, I became worried. Everyone knows that a head fall, followed by vomitting is an emergency. And we were in Malacca!

After 3 more time of vomitting, we decided to bring her to the nearest private hospital, which was KPJ. Brought her to ER, and then when Dr. examined her, she told us that her worry is not the concussion, but actually internal brain bleeding.

Initially, I was worried. But the word 'internal brain bleeding' really got me. Aisya had to go through a CT scan and while waiting for the results, I tried my best to keep calm. Both me and Mr. But I guess the waiting was a little too long and then suddenly, I just broke down and cried. My mind was going to unexpected places! What if.... What if....

You can imagine how relieved I was when Dr. called us and told us that everything looks okay; no cracks, no bleeding. Alhamdulillah, it was probably only a slight concussion that may have caused dizziness - which may have resulted to her subsequent vomiting.


Oh my. Being a mom, I tell you, can really be a rollercoaster ride of emotions! Always, always testing you. Having to smile and show that I'm strong to my child, when the truth is, inside, I was really really scared.

Things can just happen, randomly, out of nowhere. It was a good reminder for me. It was an incident, that couldn't be avoided. She just fell down! But here's the thing, are you always prepared for the worst consequences?

Me and Mr. have been discussing this from the year before. The right age to send your toddler to school differs from different parent's needs and views.

We chose to send Aisya to school at 3 years old. My parents say "It's a good decision!" and some other parents tell me, "She's too young..."

Aisya grew up having the privilege to be at home with her grandparents. She didn't have to attend nursery/daycare at an early age. Alhamdulillah, rezeki dia.

However now at almost 3 years old, she is in need of socializing, especially because she's the only child. Sometimes I notice that she becomes bored at home of her toys and books, and she ends up in front of the computer, watching YouTube, that can sometimes last for hours.

I don't blame my parents and the nanny at home because it is not their job to entertain my kid. I on the other hand, although have quit my full time job, am not a full-time stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). Yes,  I have more flexible time with my child now - but I'm not always there with her. I have a business in need of attention to grow into a company.

So the routine these days is that she attends playschool from 9am-12pm. During this time, I will be in the office. At 12, I pick her up, send her to my mom's place and spend about an hour or so with her, reading books and listening to her stories, until she doze off, and then I'm back in the office again. By about 5pm, I should be back at my mom's place again.

Glad that office is only 2 minutes away from mom's place!

What does she do in school? It's not like she is attending a school with exams and homeworks. In a typical montessori, they respect a child's natural psychological, physical and social development, so their typical playschool activity include singing, dancing and playing, doing some paintings and colouring, learn some islamic duas/prayers. Personally, I have seen a significant improvement in her social skills, alhamdulillah.

Aisya during artclass

My child now has less time 'feeling bored' which will usually result to youtube on the desktop computer. She looks forward to playing with the kitten at home, and then read some books, and play with her toys before having the chance to feel bored. I noticed that youtube is always her FINAL destination when she is out of idea on what else to do.

If you are the type who spends quality time with your kid at home everyday, go ahead, do so. That would be really good for your kid. Some parents enjoy homeschooling. Good! Somehow, I don't think I have the patience to spend the WHOLE day with my kid at home and entertain her - I'm just not that kind of person. I can easily lose my patience.  Some choose to send to nursery, which is okay too, because they get to socialize.

There may be studies that prove that sending your kid later can lower down the possibility of getting ADHD or hyperactive or what not. There are also parents saying that they want to let their child enjoy childhood. There will always be different opinions.

But here's my two cents.

Aisya and her playschool friends

Aisya's Current Age: 3 Years  Baby's Current Age: 29 weeks in womb 

I try to make it a habit to read before Aisya goes to sleep at night to wind her down and also to cultivate the reading habit. However these days, the pregnancy is really getting to me and by 10, I'm yawning away. So sometimes,  Mr. does the reading instead, which he can always last for 5 minutes tops!

You can really see how we're both different, coming from different ways of growing up. When I read the book, I will read each and every word, together with expression and intonation, showing the words as I read. Mr. on the other hand, will somehow skip certain sentences and then asks Aisya on the characters in the book, and then skip the stories and never finish the book! (taknak ikut peraturan ok!) Sometimes I question, why can't you just read the book as it is?

I think last night, he got bored of reading the same book again and again, he just closed the book and said "Okay Aisya, let me tell you a story instead,"

And then he started creating his own fairytale, with Aisya and mummy and ayah in the story, with the little baby coming, and then there's aeroplanes and horses and beaches and hotels. Aisya was mesmerized! Slowly dozzing off to sleep....

And then it hit me. My husband has always been a dramatic guy with a lot of stories and imaginations. He's a dreamer. He will always come out with random "Cuba you bayangkan...." moments with additional characters and all. Of course he would enjoy telling his stories instead of reading a storybook for his child! 

I don't think I'm a storyteller which is why it is easier if I just read the book to her. My impromptu storytelling may only last... say... 2 minutes? I'm the follow-by-the-book kinda person hehe. 

I'm glad that that happened yesterday. I'm glad that I realized now,  how our both different ways can help shape our child to be well-rounded insyaAllah. 

There really isn't a right or wrong way of parenting really. 

Ever since we had the little one in the tummy, we've been educating the little one outside the tummy on this thing called 'baby'.

So we showed her YouTube videos on how baby is formed and she loves it! She says sperm out loud and keeps on saying "Baby in the worm! (womb)". Mr. sometimes jokes with her and say "Aisya, you were once a sperm too," and she would say "No! Aisya big girl! You sperm ayah!" Lol.

When we brought her to the doctor, her second visit recently, she was excited. She wanted to look at the screen and so did her daddy and so they both argued to give each other a chance to see 'baby in the worm'. "Ayah, Aisya tak nampak...." "Aisya, ayah tak nampak lah..my turn pulak...." 

These days, randomly, she will come to me and ask,

"Mummy, baby dah nak keluar ke?" 

"Not yet Aisya, only when Mummy's tummy gets bigger and bigger, ok?"

"Oh, belum lagi. Okay,"

One morning, she wakes up and say, "Good morning Mummy! Good morning Baby!" and then kisses my tummy.

Sometimes when I get a litttle bit nausea, she would say, "Mummy, mummy ok ke? Mummy nak muntah ke?" and runs away to grab a towel to pass to me. She will then pat my back a few times, asking me repeatedly if I'm okay.

Once, she grabbed some baby toys and put them on my tummy and said, "Mummy, this toy is for baby ok?"

Yesterday morning, I said "Good morning Aisya!" and she replied "No, I'm Kakak Aisya la,"

I'm not too sure who taught her that but it looks like this 2 years old girl is ready to be a kakak already!

Aisya playing with photo props at Sangkaya Uptown on Saturday. Daddy's Little Girl :)

Aisya's Current Age: 2 Years 8 Months
Baby's Current Age: 11 weeks in womb

It's the Diwali celebration today and as usual in Malaysia, every celebration comes with annoying fireworks at night.

While in bed..

"Apa tu, mummy? Terkejut Aisya,"

"Fireworks,"

"Apa tu, mummy?" (In the phase of asking so many questions)

"Come let me show you," and so I showed her videos on fireworks on youtube.

"Ohhhh....."

And then I continued on reading my bedtime book. While she was turning her back here and there, looking for the right sleeping position.

"Mummy, hug Aisya!"

And so I hugged her and a few minutes later, she dozed off to sleep, together with the fireworks blasting off every other minute in the background.

Ironically, putting her to sleep during the noisy nights seems to be easier than any other peaceful night.

I always assumed that there's no urgency in potty training Aisya. It's not like she's getting into school yet and to be honest, I was a little lazy to start, hihi. Changing her diapers seems to be easier than running and rushing to the toilet.

Last Friday, Mr. came back home and suddenly said "Starting next week, Aisya will not be wearing any diapers ok? I've read some articles on how to train her,"

Over the weekend, she told Aisya repeatedly, "Nanti on Monday, Aisya tak payah pakai pampers ok? Only babies wear pampers. Aisya dah big girl dah..."

"O-K!" she will reply happily. Macam paham je...

I thought it was a little too drastic. "Maybe we should train her to tell us when she needs to go first, while she's still in her diapers," I told Mr. "Nope, she will not tell you if she's still wearing the pampers, comfort zone.." Mr. was very firm with his decision.

So on Monday, I told Aisya, "Today, no more pampers for you ok? When you need to shee-shee, you tell mummy k?"

"O-K mummy!"

5 minutes later...

"Mummy...Aisya shee-shee.." and so I ran to bring her to the toilet, only to realize that she has already peed on the floor. She also looked clueless, or maybe shocked, to see that the floor was wet.

"See Aisya.. Mummy told you already that you have to tell me if you want to shee-shee.." I explained to her.

An hour later, I saw my mom's maid bringing Aisya to the toilet. "Eh? Dia mintak pegi toilet ke?"
"Taklah, memang macam ni caranya kalau baru belajar tak pakai pampers.. bawak saja ke toilet setiap 2 jam..."

"Ooooooohhhh.....Macam tu..." so I learned. Tak payah nak article sangat, bibik jugak pandai..

The rest of the day, no more wet floor.

The next day, surprisingly Aisya said "Mummy...Aisya nak shee-shee.." and then I brought her to the toilet, cheering and praising her for what she has done.

Alhamdulillah, a few days after that, it was quite a success, a couple of misses, one wet bed, but other than that, she's pretty good at it already. Even for the #2!

Of course, there were a lot of running and rushing to the toilet for me. And also had to make sure that she goes to the toilet everytime before we leave the house or at any stop.

Once, she even woke up from sleep and shouted "Aisya nak shee-shee!!!" and then right after peeing, she continued her sleep again. I think that's pretty funny.

So I guess she can now be ready for play school next year then!

My little girl is not so little anymore *sobbbb sobbb*

It was around 11pm at night that my 2 years old daughter Aisya suddenly vomited. As I was cleaning her up, I noticed that her tummy was abnormally bloated and hard. I asked Mr, "Is it usually like this? Or am I just being over-worried?" I then asked my mom's house helper. According to them, it should be ok by the next day.

So Aisya went to sleep like normal. She woke up an hour after that, complaining of stomach pain. I massaged her tummy a little and she went back to sleep. She woke up again the next hour, looking restless, asking for this and that. I told Mr, "Jom, bawak kereta, put her back to sleep,"

And so we were driving around Subang and she was still awake.. once in a while complaining "Sakit...".. Her tummy was still hard and bloated. And she kept on asking me to rub it. While Mr. was driving, I was googling and reading a lot on 'hard and bloated abdomens' and none really help much, only making me even more worried!

I remember saying to myself, contemplating, if I am being a little too dramatic by following my motherly instinct that this is serious, or should I just stay calm and see how things go the next morning. But what if it is serious and tomorrow morning things get worst and a little too late? All these thoughts went over and over in my head and then I said it out loud, "I think we should bring her to the hospital, this has never happened before,"

Doctor at the Emergency Ward examined Aisya and said "This is abnormal, I will have to admit her,"

Oh, ok.

She has never been admitted before so it was alarming for both of us. Of course, we stayed calm and actually felt glad that we brought her in.

However, at the same time, the particular doctor also came to us a couple of times after that, checking on her. At this time, Aisya was already crying "Sakit....Sakit...". I saw that the doctor had low confidence dealing with Aisya, or maybe with kids generally. He couldn't even hold her down and check her tummy like how other pediatricians would do. He looked timid and very un-confident.

After about 10minues or so, Aisya dozed off to sleep. This is a good sign for me, because I've read before that "If anything is wrong, it wouldn't be too serious if your child can manage to sleep," The next few minutes, a nurse came over to us, telling us its time to admit her. "We will have to put drip ya," and I got a little panicked. Putting a drip into those tiny fingers?!?

Looking at Aisya asleep and worried about the drip, I called the doctor again, "Can you check if she really needs to be admitted, doc? Maybe I can come again tomorrow? " He came and check and said something like "I'm not going to take the risk, lets just let the pediatrician run some xrays and ultrasound,"

And so they wrapped Aisya tightly in a blanket, so that she doesn't move and fight back. They inserted a needle into her right hand vein and Aisya was crying and screaming "Mummy....mummyy..." and looking at my eyes. Only God knows how I felt at that time, looking at my child in pain.  Moreover, blood tests had to be taken and so they had to squeeze for some blood through the needle and all the time Aisya was crying loudly. And I just hugged and said to her "It's okay Aisya, sakit kejap je ok..you're a strong girl,"

You know what got me even worried? The doctor saying things like "Are you sure the needle is in?" to the nurse.You're a freaking doctor! And that's my child there! How much more time do you need to complete this whole process??

That morning, at 6am, Aisya was already in the hospital room, finally managed to sleep. I took wudhu' and prayed Subuh and after that, I cried.. letting go of all the worried that I had from the night before, trying my best to appear calm and strong in front of my child. "Ya Allah, can you please heal whatever it is that she's going through?"

It has only been 30 minutes, and Aisya is back awake again, saying "Sakit...Sakit..". And when in the hospital, these nurses keep coming in and out, to check this and that, taking samples and what not.. it was very uncomfortable for all of us. Aisya kept saying "Bukak.. bukak... ," wanting us to take the drip off her hands.

At around 7am, another nurse came into the room. The minute Aisya saw her she said "No....no..." and then she hugged me tightly. Suddenly she was screaming out loud, really really loud, like she was abused or something, and then it turns out that she pooped. Like a really huge hard one. And then right after that, she passed gas (farted) continuously for a minute or so. And I checked on her tummy, it was all alright.

It turns out that it was just gas and constipation. Colic.

However, it was weird that she didn't even try to pass motion, like how she usually does. All she did was complain of pain in her tummy.

I can't help but wonder, did she really need to go through that pain of putting in the drip and the discomfort of being in the hospital? Crying and complaining.

Aisya feeling awesome after all was over.

I try to look at the situation positively, saying that maybe, the drip helped her to pass motion.

But did it really? What if I decide not to bring her? Would she be able to pass motion that morning? Or would it be another day of her crying and complaining? Can I even go through the rest of the night, thinking if everything is okay?

Was I being a little too paranoid? Or did I do the right thing?

Oh parenting.

Pre-pregnant, my weight was 55kg.

Post-delivery, after about 3 months, my weight returned back to 55kg. But since I was breastfeeding Aisya, my weight decreased little by little until I reached about 50kg after 1.5 years breastfeeding her.

Many say that breastfeeding the a good way to lose weight. As for me, yes I did lose weight, but maybe a little too much. I was also unhealthy. I easily got sick. Maybe because I wasn't taking extra supplements.

Towards the end of the breastfeeding journey, Aisya was already on the bottle, feeding only at night, and also waking up in the middle of the night. So the theories of people around me telling me that my kid was taking my nutrient away is definitely not true. I wasn't pumping anymore in the office, I was eating well, and Aisya didn't drink much. The only other thing that made sense was waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night.

I was getting a lot of concern comments from my parents and friends; are you sure you're okay? Why don't you check with the doctor, are you taking supplements, why do you look so weak.

But the thing is, I felt perfectly fine!

Maybe I wasn't getting enough rest, and work demanded a lot of my energy. I was draining out, losing more weight, getting easily sick, always sleepy and easily tired. Plus, I was also juggling with business when I'm not working, and so I was tired. To what extend can you multi-task right? But I guess, I never realized any of these. That I wasn't in my happier state.

Due to my 2nd pregnancy, I managed to wean off Aisya. Right after miscarriage, I realized that I also got my night sleeps. And then I decided to quit my full time job. And my mind is now well organized. I get enough rest. I'm not overworked. I can fully stretch my mind when it comes to running my business and it feels worth it, using your mental and brain power for your passion. I like how I can organize my daily time to do things that matter.

I'm seeing that the miscarriage event is the start of a lot of changes. It is when I decided to take the leap and quit my full time job. It also showed me how I wasn't taking care of myself; my mind and my body. I think my body was unhealthy to even hold a baby because that little creature inside of me just decided to stop growing. It showed me ways in achieving happiness and contentment in life.

Now when I see people, they tell me that they see that glow. "Wow, what happen? " "You look so lively!"

And I'm now back to my original weight of 55kg. No more underweight. No more feeling fatigue and tired.

I think I was trying to hard to be perfect at everything and not gaining and perfection at any of them!

I'm glad that I decided to focus.

Also note to breastfeeding mothers, when you have stop breastfeeding, you have to learn to control your eating habit, or you may gain weight drastically. When you breastfeed, you eat a lot. So stop the eating habits and insyaAllah you will stay the same. As for me, I was focusing on gaining weight, so I ate a lot! Now I'm trying to control, ngehehehe. 

Last night was our very first time playing Good Cop, Bad Cop with Aisya. Guess who is the Good Cop? ME! ME! :D

Aisya has been quite demanding these days. Having a mind of her own, she wants what she wants. Sometimes after explaining to her why its a NO, she would reply 'Ok!' but sometimes, she just answers back sarcastically, saying back "You!" "Nak!" "Yes!"

So anyways, these past few weeks, she's been requesting the tv before she sleeps. I guess saying okay a few nights, she has naik lemak, and demanding it EVERY night. That's why they say discipline is important I guess.

So last night, I told her No. "It's time to sleep Aisya, no TV," and she kept on crying and crying saying "Nak vivi....nak vivi....," and then Mr. had to say firmly "Aisya, NO!" and she was shocked. Maybe because Mr has always been the playful one. "Mummyy....mummy...." she cried while hugging me tightly.

After a few minutes, she goes back to "Nak vivi...nak vivi....." and then I had to say "Aisya, its time to sleep, nanti ayah marah nanti... " (seee! Good cop, blames the Bad cop ngehehehhe)
And she automatically lies back down to bed! Takut jugak!

After that, she sits up again, and says "Nak vivi....nak vivi....". Mr stood up and say "Aisya, No! It's time to go to sleep! You can watch tv tomorrow!"

Aisya cries loudly and hugs me again tightly... (best gak hehe) and then as I sing some songs to sleep, she was already fast asleep....it works guys! Someone needs to be the bad cop to be strict, and the other one to be the good cop to calm and soothe her down.

I'm glad I was the good cop! :) :) :)

Aisya turned two last two weeks.

At this age, she develops really really fast. Picking her up from my mom's after work, she seems to be learning something new EVERYDAY.

I asked her the other day, "Where are we going, Aisya?" "Mosh!" (referring to mosque). "Nak yayang...A'an.." (Translation: Nak sembahyang, quran...")..Oooo, melts my heart!

Last week, we passed by a truck and she said "Bye truck, see you later!," in her ke-pelat-an way. First time hearing such a long sentence from her!

She even picked up a new dance move; The Chicken Dance! (LOL)

Mom also tells me that she can now swim on her own in the big pool with the float on. (She was a little scared to let go of our hands before this if she can't feel her feet touching the floor)

However, despite all the fun and the excitement of the steep development, do you know that parents usually call this phase 'The Terrible Two'?  I would like to call this phase Testing-the-parents-patience phase. Hihi.

Last night, Aisya took her milk bottle and started tilting it and pouring milk on the bed. I told her, "Aisya, pls, no! Nanti basah katil ni," and took the bottle away from her.

She laughed. Took the bottle again, and poured some more milk on the mattress. "No, Aisya! Mummy said No! Nanti mummy cubit nanti,"

She just said "Bit, bit..." and then had this smirk on the face. She looked at my eyes. And then slowly took the bottle again. With my eyes stilled on hers, and with an even more firm voice I said "Mummy said no," She kept her eyes focus on mine, and her hands still taking the bottle, with this body language telling me that "Hmm.. I'm gonna do this mummy, I'm gonna do this again, Haha. I don't care mummy, this is fun," and she poured the milk again.

I took the bottle from her and pinched her on her hands. She looked at me and took the bottle from the table again! And poured again!

I finally grabbed the bottle from her and pinched her on her waist.

This time around, she understood. She kept quiet, and then cried. She cried so badly.

I know it wasn't painful, it was just a tiny pinch!

After calming her down, and changed her clothes, I squat down and told her, "When mummy say no, you cannot do it okay Aisya. If mummy say no, can you do it?"

She shook her head.

"Okay, good girl. Now say sorry mummy,"

"Sorry,"

And then I hugged and kissed her. And then suddenly she started running around, and then back to playing with her Lego.

Me on the other hand? I felt like I was the worst mummy ever! I'm even feeling guilty about it now, the next day and I can't stop thinking abou it.

But I guess, sometimes you gotta be firm when it comes to teaching your children. This is the phase when kids should be taught on discipline.

But the question here is, "Is it okay to use physical punishment as a way to discipline your child?" "How would you tell them that no means no?" Share me your views please!

A few months back, Mr. wanted to introduce a new habit to our family. He wanted us to learn to love the Quran and learn to connect to this book of Allah. So he makes it a habit that we listen to a few minutes of Quran recitals before we get to listen to anything else on the radio - which is usually the Frozen soundtrack.

The minute we enter the car, Aisya will go "Sing! Sing!" She refers to Frozen as Sing - maybe because she enjoys the scenes of Anna & Elsa singing?

So, anyways, Mr will say "Let's listen to the Quran first Aisya," Initially, she rebelled a little, requesting for "Sing! Sing!" again and then settles down.

Later on, she will reply "Okay...".

We make sure that we do change to her Frozen soundtrack after a few minutes, to make sure she knows that we keep to our promise.

And then suddenly one day, just after we entered the car, Aisya says "A'an! A'an!" - referring to the Quran. MasyaAllah,  the smile on our faces just says it all! :) :) :)

Alhamdulillah, this has also become a habit for all of us too!

Mr. also makes it a point to read the Quran, every single day.  This is actually his second attempt, and alhamdulillah, this time around, it lasts. He even says that sometimes he feels a little bit empty when he doesn't read the Quran for the day.

I've been trying to do the same. But I will result to a few days a week, never really manage to practice it everyday. I envy him for having that connection with the Quran! Lately, he's been reading the tafseers of the surahs too! And he'll come to me and say "Do you know that in this surah......"

As I was getting ready to pray in the Subang Parade surau yesterday, I was shocked to see Aisya walking towards the cabinet and picked up the Quran and she did this:



Sometimes, being the man in the family, the best way to guide your family is really through your actions. Leading by example.

May Allah bless Mr. for this and for many more :)

I've read that there are 3 options in handling miscarriage:

1. Let it happen naturally
2. With the help of Misoprostol Pills - which is also used for abortion
3. Dillation & Curretage procedure (D&C)

"Can I let it happen naturally?" I asked the first time.

"You can. But it will be messy. With lots of blood. You need to be near the hospital in case of anything,". She didn't warned me that it is also painful. I found out this too from some friends and also from the net. It will be like a 6-8hours of contraction & bleeding, even more painful than the usual menstrual pain.

Doctor initially suggested that I put 3 misoprostol pills into the vagina and come back to her clinic the next day and see if my body has expel everything from the womb.

After reading sooo many horror stories on google, I decided that I want to proceed with Option No.3.

Came back to the clinic and was told that even for Option No.3, I still need to put in the pills because my body doesn't seem to be expelling the fetus inside. And the pills helps to loosen the cervix to ease the D & C procedure.

An hour after the pill was in, I felt dizzy and cold. The cramps started. And when I was admitted in the hospital, the nurse confirmed that I have a slight fever. Mind you, I also had to fast, and my last meal was 8pm the night before. "This is normal. Side effect of the misoprostol pills," said the nurse.

And so I waited in bed. I was in pain. But not as painful as my usual menstrual pain, nothing that I couldn't handle. I think if I were to wait another 3 more hours or so, the pain would be stronger. However lucky me that there was a slot an hour later, and so I was brought to the Operating Theater.

My very first time in the OT. I was sooo scared! I didn't know I could be that scared! I've never had any drip before and when I saw them putting this long needle into my hands, I got scared too. Drama I know. But this is my very very first time. I even had thoughts of being awake during the procedure. Yes, drama. I know.

I was put to sleep. The next thing I realized, I was waken up by the nurse, telling me that it's all done. Alhamdulillah!

Vomitted a little. Side effect of the anesthetic it seems. And then I dozed off to sleep.

The next day, doctor did her final check up and said, "Where is it that you said you wanted to go again the other day? Istanbul?"

"No, Vietnam."

"Okay, you can go. You're not bleeding badly. Just make sure you take things slow. Come see me next Tuesday. You will be given MC until you see me then,"

I was told my many friends and relatives to take care and pantang, just like how I'd do after delivering. Doc said I don't have to take it too seriously. Just don't be too extreme in my activities. So I've chose to wear socks the first few days, make sure I keep myself warm. Don't eat anything spicy or sour. Walk slowly. Don't carry anything heavy.

So anyways, here I am, at my mom's place, 2nd day of MC, getting ready for Vietnam. InsyaAllah, it will be a good break from what just happened :)

During the first check-up

2nd Checkup- EDD 19th June 2015