Pre-pregnant, my weight was 55kg.

Post-delivery, after about 3 months, my weight returned back to 55kg. But since I was breastfeeding Aisya, my weight decreased little by little until I reached about 50kg after 1.5 years breastfeeding her.

Many say that breastfeeding the a good way to lose weight. As for me, yes I did lose weight, but maybe a little too much. I was also unhealthy. I easily got sick. Maybe because I wasn't taking extra supplements.

Towards the end of the breastfeeding journey, Aisya was already on the bottle, feeding only at night, and also waking up in the middle of the night. So the theories of people around me telling me that my kid was taking my nutrient away is definitely not true. I wasn't pumping anymore in the office, I was eating well, and Aisya didn't drink much. The only other thing that made sense was waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night.

I was getting a lot of concern comments from my parents and friends; are you sure you're okay? Why don't you check with the doctor, are you taking supplements, why do you look so weak.

But the thing is, I felt perfectly fine!

Maybe I wasn't getting enough rest, and work demanded a lot of my energy. I was draining out, losing more weight, getting easily sick, always sleepy and easily tired. Plus, I was also juggling with business when I'm not working, and so I was tired. To what extend can you multi-task right? But I guess, I never realized any of these. That I wasn't in my happier state.

Due to my 2nd pregnancy, I managed to wean off Aisya. Right after miscarriage, I realized that I also got my night sleeps. And then I decided to quit my full time job. And my mind is now well organized. I get enough rest. I'm not overworked. I can fully stretch my mind when it comes to running my business and it feels worth it, using your mental and brain power for your passion. I like how I can organize my daily time to do things that matter.

I'm seeing that the miscarriage event is the start of a lot of changes. It is when I decided to take the leap and quit my full time job. It also showed me how I wasn't taking care of myself; my mind and my body. I think my body was unhealthy to even hold a baby because that little creature inside of me just decided to stop growing. It showed me ways in achieving happiness and contentment in life.

Now when I see people, they tell me that they see that glow. "Wow, what happen? " "You look so lively!"

And I'm now back to my original weight of 55kg. No more underweight. No more feeling fatigue and tired.

I think I was trying to hard to be perfect at everything and not gaining and perfection at any of them!

I'm glad that I decided to focus.

Also note to breastfeeding mothers, when you have stop breastfeeding, you have to learn to control your eating habit, or you may gain weight drastically. When you breastfeed, you eat a lot. So stop the eating habits and insyaAllah you will stay the same. As for me, I was focusing on gaining weight, so I ate a lot! Now I'm trying to control, ngehehehe.