rawakramblings

A while ago, I've shared a Facebook status on something that I received via whatsapp for the mummies out there who are worried for not being able to carry out their ibadah like others this Ramadhan. They will still be rewarded for carrying out their responsibilities, as long as their niat is for Allah.

Truth is, after reading that, I've been trying to change my niat to carry out my responsibilities as a wife, a mom, a daughter etc. for the sake of Allah and let me tell you this, it's a battle with my innerself!

There's that whinning in your head, complaining about how things are a little messy at this point of time. Two kids, I tell you 💆🏻💆🏻💆🏻

And I don't complain out loud to those around me, because, I'm trying hard to tell myself "Lilahi Ta'ala".

It's easier said than done.

I know that we're adjusting to this beautiful new mess.

And we will keep on adjusting because change is constant in this life.

Assalammualaikum!

I don't really have a specific topic, so I'm just going to ramble and see what comes out.

You know how every time the new year starts, people will have a wish list or a goal list on how 2015 should be. I have never ever done that before. I'm not sure if I'm just not that semangat new year or if I'm the type of person who sets goals like just anytime of the year, just randomly.

Once I did a list of "Things I should do while I am abroad" just before flying off to Sydney. I don't remember going through the list throughout my years there but during my final year, I stumbled upon the list again, while packing to go back home for good. Surprisingly, I have actually met most of them, except for a few. Laws of attraction maybe?

One ridiculous one : go skydiving. Why ridiculous? Because I'm scared of heights and skydiving is the ultimate-height-adventure that I will never ever do. And I don't even regret it. Hehe. At that time, I was so motivated with people around me telling me to "overcome your fear!". Actually to think about it again, I was motivated with quite a lot of things back in my uni years. Oh, that young spirit!

Also because there was a lot of time and less commitments and responsibilities.

I get motivated too these days, especially when I can visualize it. However, decisions nowadays comes with baggage and risks.

Anyways, going back to the list. I told myself that maybe this year, I should have a list. And so I told myself that I'm only going to keep it to five instead of a long-impossible-list-that-gets-forgotten-after-5-months. Short and achievable! So I've been going through the list and I'm only sure of two of it. I keep on changing the other three. How?

Maybe I can finalize the list like in February or so. Hmm.

Ok, bye!

# Mr. presented his thesis this morning, insyaAllah this will be the finale of his Thesis Saga.

# Doctor said I cannot be pregnant for another 3 more months to let my womb heal properly. By then, Aisya will be exactly 2 years old.

# After attending Twins of Faith 2014 last weekend, I'm getting even more thirsty for more knowledge. The iman boost that you get after attending these kind of talks is just awesome! Now, to maintain it.

# I got myself Neelofa's Collagen product - The Bellavita. Tried it for the first time yesterday. Nice smell, awful taste, but managed to swallow it down. Lets see what wonders can this product bring.

# Its funny how other people around me are more concerned about what I'm supposed to eat and what not to eat after a miscarriage. Not too sure if its 'caring' or 'busybody'.

# It has been very easy to out Aisya to sleep these days, alhamdulillah! She also doesn't wake up at night anymore, so I'm actually sleeping throughout the night now.

# Mr. said I should start exercising. I'm probably losing too much weight because I'm unhealthy.

# I'm wearing socks to office today to cover my aurah. I tried this during Ramadhan but didn't last long. Semoga istiqamah this time around.

# I'm seeing even more hikmah (reasons) behind my recent miscarriage. So many! Allah really knows best, masyaAllah.

When I first received the email on this 'Mental Health Illness' forum that will be conducted by my company, I was shocked to see the fact that 1 in 4 people are affected by this illness. The first thing that came out of me my mouth was "Come on, is that right? 1 in 4??" and this was in a meeting room, just before project discussion was about to start. To my disbelief, two of supervisors actually acknowledged that they actually have depression.

"It's pretty normal laa.. .Its just that sometimes, people don't know that they're having it,"

"You will sometimes feel like shutting the world around you and just curl up in bed alone and just stay there,"

"Your kids don't even know this, but sometimes you just SHUT down and just ignore them,"

"I got high blood because of depression, my doctor advice me that I should have some more ME-time,"

I was shocked. There they were, in front of me, two supervisors that I've been working a lot together lately, and it never hit me that THEY, out of all the people I know, actually go through depression.

"But you guys look happy! And you're always smiling!"

Fact No.1 I learned today in the forum: Sometimes those who smile the most, are the ones who hurt the most on the inside. People can just wear a mask and smile, but no one knows what's deep inside of them.

So anyways, today I learned more about the illness after attending the forum. Actually, more reminders than facts. The workplace can really be the main contributor to stress and stress is the main factor in mental health illness. Money is never enough, position and power never seem to be a satisfaction, expectations - from oneself and from others - are not met. It seems that we always want more than what we have.

Different people will have different ways in coping with stress. We need to know our best way to deal with it. I know exercise helps, although not always the case for me, but it does give you that positive spirit. Solat - that five times a day in between your daily activities - that will help too. Solat on time - just like how Allah has planned it well for you and insyaAllah those breaks in between can help you de-stress.

I personally think that the word 'stress' shouldn't be used often. People start their complaints with the word 'stress' even when they don't mean it. "Stress laaa.... yadda yadda yadda..." Naturally, you will get yourself even more stressed than you were before.

Contentment. Something that we must all learn. In other words, bersyukur! Allah has given you so much, why are you still complaining? Look at others who are less fortunate than you. Don't keep comparing yourself with those who are better. Because you know what? There will ALWAYS be people who are better and less fortunate than you.

There was this one time, the speaker asked, "How many of you here are happy?" and not many raised their hands. Its either they were too shy to do so or they were really unhappy. When he asked that question, there were no doubt that my answer is yes. I am happy, I don't see any reason not to be. Of course not everything goes my way, not everything as planned, I'm not really carrying out my responsibility well, I'm not meeting up expectations (a lot of them, actually) but I am, happy.

"Life is wonderful," as how Jason Mraz says it.

You just gotta make the best out of it.

We will be getting the keys to our apartment soon! And instead of scouting for the right furniture or decor for the apartment, you know what I've been looking around for?

The right desktop computer.

Haha.

Btw, my babygirl is now 8 months 3 weeks! How fast time flies!

They say that the best way to make money is through your passion & talent.

So, what is your passion?

We are all molded from young to find a known profession to make money and gain stability from, that we were asked to put our passion & 'ridiculous dreams' aside. We were taught to take that safe route.

You want to be an international football player? You want to be an astronaut? You want to be a singer? You want to be a writer? Are you sure?? Are you really sure? Why don't you be an accountant instead.

As we grow older, most of us forget those dreams. Surprisingly, I noticed many who follow those dreams are those unique successors who seem to be having the time of their life - making money from passion!

So when people ask me "What is your passion?" - I stay quiet and wonder. I may have lost it or I'm still searching for it. How can anyone NOT have a passion? But many, like me, stay quiet and wonder to the same question.

When looking at those with talent and passion, and choose to NOT do anything about it, I can't help but wonder, WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TALENT?!?

Most of my friends have gone through this dark phase in life, and then suddenly appreciate this other brighter side of it. They've partied hard, enjoyed limitlessly, and then they decide that they're done with all that and settle down.

Some of us don't go through life to the extremes. I for instance, have been going through life moderately, within the grey area. Not too goody-goody and not too naughty as well.

I've always been happy the way I am, the way I live. I'm happy at how moderate and well-balanced my life is. I have never really wanted to try to 'fit-in' or 'blend' in with the crowd, no matter how diverse they are from me.

But I can't help but wonder: Do we really have to go through that extreme phase in life? Everyone seems to be going through it that and there's thoughts in my head, wondering,  "What if I wake up one day and realize that I haven't live life to the fullest? That I haven't experience all that life has to offer? That I suddenly go out partying at the age of 40?" That would be crazy!

I hope if I do wake up with a sudden thought in my head, the thought would be:

"Is Allah satisfied?"

or

"What have you invested in this life for your afterlife?"

Hah take that yo! Heeeee ;)

Life is a balancing act. via Up In The Stars

Wanted to blog about how wonderful today was but it didnt end that well so now i'm not the mood to write anymore.

Its funny how we are capable of having different seasons in a day.

I know i'm at my worst late late at night. I can be over-dramatic n psycho and suddenly laugh about it the next day. However, despite knowing that fact, i still find it very very hard to just sleep over it.

There's just soo many things in life that doesnt make sense sometimes, and many that does.

Sometimes i dont understand why we cannot be grateful for what we have. Why are we always seeking for more? Why are we always envying on the greener side?

Sooo many people are blinded and misguided by power, money and love. They do stupid illogical things to win something that they believe is theirs. Some dont mind losing their dignity.

We all want what's best for ourselves. But do we really know what's best for us?

Oh well. Just some rawak ramblings in the middle of the night.