rawakramblings: family

The weirdest thing happened last week. My father-in-law called us, to ask if it's okay that he remarries.

[insert long awkward silent moment]

Ever since my mother-in-law passed away in October last year, many people have been asking him if he's going to remarry. He's 58 years old now, and so people think that he's got a long way to go, if Allah permits of course.

Last two weeks, Mr's family and my family went for a holiday in Alor Setar. We stayed over at my uncle's place there. My uncle is 75 years old, and my aunty is 70 years old. Their children are all in KL, working and settling down with their new family in KL. Within our few days of stay there, we can see how loving they were. Laughing together while watching the tv, like all of us were invisible. Absorbed in deep conversations. Purely in love.

On the way back to KL, my father-in-law said, "I'm only 58.. I've got another 17 years to reach his age. Will I be growing old alone?" Little did we know that this leads on to whats next. We're not sure if he has found someone to marry back then or if he started looking for someone after that. But it was exactly a week after, that he came to us with this question. "Ok tak kalau ayah kawin lagi?"

It took Mr and his sisters some time to absorb the news. Especially because it has only been 5 months since their mother left them. I told them this, "Don't look at this lady as someone who will replace your mom, because no one can every replace Mak. Look at this lady as your dad's companion. Someone to be his friend, his peneman at home, penceria, while we all are busy with our lives,"

Because the truth is, can we, sacrifice all that we have, just to stay home with our parents? Even our parents will not allow that to happen. Yes we can go over for dinner after work, stayover during the weekends, but can we be there all the time with them? To cook for them and bring them around? Sometimes we have to think more than ourselves. Not everything is about us.

Alhamdulillah, we have all accepted that this will be happening, sooner or later. We met up with her and her kids last night, and we all seem to click okay.

Will I be getting a new mother-in-law soon? Will I also be getting another 4 more siblings-in-law?

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On Saturday noon, while I was attending Mr’s best friend’s wedding, Mom called informing me that my uncle had just fell down and was in critical condition in University Hospital.

Right after the wedding, I came back home, showered and left to the hospital with my younger sister. Uncle had haemorrhage (blood pressure in the brain) and when he fell down, it burst. Doctor informed that there was nothing that can be done that we just had to wait and be prepared.

We were at the emergency ward and the atmosphere was very sad and depressing. Only a few were allowed in at a time thus most of us were gathering outside. When I went in, I saw my aunty (Mak Teh) standing strong with a friend, talking to her. My cousin was reading the surah Yassin and so I joined her too.

On Sunday night, he passed away.

Mak Teh is a wonderwoman. I think she has very strong imaan that she accepts whatever it is that is happening. She was very calm and strong throughout the whole weekend, that none of us dared to even cry in front of her. Her strength gave her daughter and her siblings strength too. This is the first funeral that I’ve attended, where only a few teared; and mind you, only teared, and not cried. In Islam, we are not encouraged to cry in front of the deceased (in public) or even worst turn hysteria. We have to accept that this is Allah’s decision and it’s the best for everyone. We need to redha – meaning wholeheartedly accept to the decision to what Allah has decided upon. And to be redha, you need that strong imaan – that strong believe and faith in Allah.

I was also surprised with how reliable my dad’s siblings were. All of them were there at the hospital, supporting this sister of theirs. Never once, was Mak Teh left alone. When my uncle passed, each and every one tried their best in assisting wherever they can. Some read the Quran, some helped rearranging furnitures at her house and place carpets for guests, some bought food and drinks, some handled the funeral processes, some informed others about the news, some stayed over Mak Teh’s and some just supported her and her daughter emotionally.

I was also very very proud of my younger sister Mira, who did a very good job in taking care of Mak Teh’s only grandchild throughout the whole weekend. She distracted her when everyone was busy preparing the funeral. She watched cartoon, played Ipad and slept with her. She even had to answer all her questions:

“What is wrong with Tok Wan?” “Will Tok Wan come back after he jumpa Tuhan?” “Tok Wan tak miss Alya ke?” “Alya nak tunjuk Tok Wan baju baru Alya” “Alya takut laaa,”

Death is a reminder to all of us still living. All these money and power that we’re chasing, at the end of the day, none will be brought to the hereafter other than 3 things:

Son’s prayers for his/her parents
Charity given throughout his living
Knowledge shared throughout his living

We don’t know when Allah will take our life away. We need to be in a ready state every minute. Have a balance between life now and the life hereafter.

Have you prayed already?

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