Once upon a time ago, when we were discussing about when we should be ready for No.2, I told Mr, 

"When Aisya is two years old... Then they will be 3 years apart! That will be PERFECT! " 

Mr. however said "No.. I think when Aisya is one...,"

Then I said, "No... its too early.. she'll be too small, not having enough love and attention..." and the discussion went on and on until we negotiated to a number in between.. when Aisya turns 1.5 years old. By then, they will be 2 years apart and that is not too bad either. 

So when Aisya turned 1.5 years old, I was already mentally prepared for the second one. However, we didn't jump straight into "Okay, lets do this!"...Or started looking at my ovulation calendar etc. 

Little did I know the next month, I was already 2 weeks late. And when I told Mr. about it, I can still remember him saying, "Bullshit..." but with this disbelief happy-grin on his face. When the test showed positive, he was like "Allahuakbar... Allah is Great! Kun fa ya kun... if He says "Be! and it is!"..."

Initially, I had a mixed-feeling. I suddenly felt bad and worried about Aisya.. Is she going to get less attention than before? Am I going to love her enough now that there's another one? And then, at the same time, I had to stop breastfeeding her, I even went emotional about it during those first few attempts of weaning her off. Yet I thought I was mentally prepared? Do other mothers go through the same emotional breakdown when they know about the second one? Or is it just me?

However, a week after that, I felt much better and actually pretty excited about our family growing. Aisya suddenly slept through the night and showing signs of independence, eating on her own, sleeping on her own, even playing and reading on her own without needing her mummy and ayah to always be around her. She showed interests in other babies when she sees them - asking me to feed the baby 'susu' (milk) or patting the baby, trying to put the baby to sleep. 8 more months down the road, she will be that kakak that will be even more ready for another sibling, insyaAllah :)

Don't need to ask me about Mr - he was all excited from the start!

With all that excitement, we went for a second check-up last Saturday, with a not-so-nice-news from the doctor. Alhamdulillah, baby is growing well. I could hear the heartbeat. She was already 9 weeks then. However, she was a little bit concern that the size of my waterbag is a little too small as compared to the size of the fetus. "I am little bit worried of the possibility of miscarriage," she said. 

I told my father-in-law about this and what he said calmed me, "You know, Allah has set and planned everything. If he says the baby will survive, he/she will, if he says otherwise, then it will be as so,"

What we need to do now is work on it, berusaha.. eat well, take extra care of my health, eat pregnancy multivitamins, don't exert myself, and do lots and lots of prayers.. insyaAllah, during the next check up, we will see the waterbag grow with the baby. 

It was also a good sign for us to take a step back - to be a little bit less excited and remember Allah more, and be prepared for anything - just like how we should be prepared for anything else in our lives as Allah can take any of them away just like that, be it your wealth, you child, your career, your home, your parents, your partner...etc. 

If you're reading this, I seek you to also make dua for me, that everything goes well with the rest of my pregnancy, insyaAllah :)