Last Friday, a dear uncle of mine passed away, after fighting various diseases for 4 years. It was a blessing to see the number of people at the solat jenazah in the mosque.

I, on the other hand, just like all other family members were busy with preparations for the funeral: flowers, drinks for guests, greeting and thanking guests, tahlil and all. That night, just before taking my shower, there was a  brown spotting. More than what I had previously. I got worried and panicked.

The last time, it was only a little brown spot, and when I went to see the doctor, doctor told me that I had misabortion - meaning the fetus just stopped growing and died and my body was trying to remove it.

That night, all I oould think of is to see a doctor, to know if the baby is still there or if I have lost it. My parents told me otherwise, to rest in bed and see the doctor the next morning. We hesitated a little but after listening to some doctor's advice, I rested in bed that night, not allowed to walk at all, other than for wudhu' or for toilet.

That night, me and Mr. made lots of prayers, "If this is the best for us, we accept Your decision,". I transferred my cries to being calm and ready for whatever is best for me. Kun Fa Ya Kun - I managed to convinced myself that this time around, I have tried my very best to care for the baby, but if He says that its not time yet, then it is not.

The next morning, we went to see a doctor at 11am. There was that silence between Mr. and me, quietly anxious to know. I was on a wheelchair. Mr got off to the wrong lift. I got annoyed. Our mind was not at the right condition.

When it was time to see the doctor, I took a deep breath, "Bismillah...". He asked us some questions on the last misabortion and on the first pregnancy. He asked if I still had the nausea - yes. Ok, let's do some ultrasound.

I saw the baby, for the first time, as this is our first visit for this pregnancy, yet I was not happy yet, because the last time, the baby was there, but there was no heartbeat. Doctor zoomed in and alhamdulillah, we saw the heartbeat, and we both smiled. 8 weeks and baby is healthy. Doctor noticed a small area of liquid just above the womb and said , "That's probably what is causing the bleeding,".

So doctor gave me a hormone injection and I was on hormone pills, 3 times a day to strengthen my womb. I was told to rest for the whole week, only allowed to walk around the house and most of the time, to just lie down. I've completed a season of Devious Maids and I've placed a few books with me to keep me occupied. It's time to completely rest baby! No need to go to the office, just stay and work from home. No driving. In other words, boredom. But ok, for the sake of the baby.

I haven't really announced to everyone on my pregnancy. Only to some family members. Because I'm worried that I would lost it again. But I like to write about my journey, so whoever reads, you know now. One more month to go till the end of the first trimester, and anything, can happen.

Make dua!