I prayed dhuha and I cried. I cried really hard. I felt ashamed, very very ashamed towards Him. And at that particular point, I felt small.

For the past week, I've been missing my Subuh prayers, failing to wake up. Lalai. Forgotten about my duties towards my Lord.

Every morning and every night before sleep, I tell myself "Subuh!" but deep inside, I didn't really mean it. I was lazy. I just wanted to sleep in.

Yet, this morning, I was shocked with a two-line positive test. I'm pregnant again! MasyaAllah, what a shame. He can have the power to give me rezeki, a baby insyaAllah, and I cannot even do as little as waking up for fajr prayers. I cried of shame, of happiness, of syukur.

The truth is, does Allah really need us to pray to Him? No He doesn't. He is powerful none the less. We forget that we are only helping ourselves by praying to Him.

Today, I'm being reminded again on how mighty and powerful Allah is. Today, I feel tiny. He doesn't really need me to bow to Him and he will still keep on blessing you with ways that you cannot imagine.

Allahu Akbar.