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So, the engagement is in a few days. What planned to be something simple has now turned out to be 'not-so-simple' anymore. Both my parents come from large-size family that just their siblings + partner comprizes almost 30 guests already. And that doesn't include my cousins + neighbours.

The preparation for the engagement seems to be pretty manageable. Every week, we try to tick the items in the 'to-do' list, try to fit in small items where ever possible instead of spending the whole weekend on just preparation.

We didn't want to engaged for too long, thus our wedding day is only a few months away. Preparation now concentrates more on the wedding event itself.

Throughout the preparation, I realized that I like things to be simple but that I am NOT a simple person. I get fussy on the smallest detail - not too colourful, not too bright, not too grand, no pelamin, no roses, no tent, no gold jewelry, no red lipstick - and the list goes on. 

I sometimes pity my family in trying to satisfy my needs and at the same time, try meeting up their own needs. We sometimes shout at each other and then laugh about it minutes later. Numerous phone calls and discussions everyday.

When I feel like certain things may not go my way, I also believe that there are certain things that may not go my parents or Mr's way. Its a give and take situation. I constantly remind myself that the wedding isn't just about me and mr - but much bigger than that. At the end of the day, the only thing I want is to be married to him. Mr always reminds me "We should worry more about the journey after the wedding - how do we want to bring up our family, how do we want to manage ourselves financially. Look ahead."

I've never really had a dream wedding in my head - thus a lot of things are simpler to plan. No expectations that needs to be met. No disappointments.

All in all, Alhamdulillah, segala urusan semuanya dipermudahkan. Harap-harap beginilah sampai ke hari perkahwinan. I don't want to end up being a bridezilla! ;)


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"A recent study reported that as many as 80% of the people in the workforce don’t enjoy their job. And nearly 75% don’t know their true passion,"  

via zenhabits latest article. 



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Once in a while, IslamicThinking publish stories in their twitter timeline. Their latest #storytime session really touches my heart tonight and I would like to take this chance to share with you and hopefully be a good reminder to all of us.

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see and asked the students, 
Prof: How much do you think this glass weighs?  
Student: 50 grams! 100 grams! 125 grams! 
Prof: What will happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes? 
Student: Nothing
Prof: Ok.What would happen if I held it for an hour?
          Student: Your arm would begin to ache
Prof: You're right! Then what would happen if I held this for the whole day?
Student: Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & may have to go to the hospital! 
Prof: Very good! Now did the weight of the glass changed while I was holding it? 
Student: No.
Prof: Then what should I do?
Student: Put the glass DOWN!
Prof: Exactly! That's the same with life problems. Hold it for a few minutes in your head, they seem okay. Think of them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything. 
It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to have trust in Allah S.W.T. To 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. 
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh and strong and can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So at the end of the day, remember to PUT THE GLASS DOWN and put trust in Almighty Allah SWT. 
Tranquility is the sign of strong faith while worries and stress is the sign of weak faith. 
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taken at wonderpixs studio, 22nd nov 2011

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They say that the best way to make money is through your passion & talent.

So, what is your passion?

We are all molded from young to find a known profession to make money and gain stability from, that we were asked to put our passion & 'ridiculous dreams' aside. We were taught to take that safe route.

You want to be an international football player? You want to be an astronaut? You want to be a singer? You want to be a writer? Are you sure?? Are you really sure? Why don't you be an accountant instead.

As we grow older, most of us forget those dreams. Surprisingly, I noticed many who follow those dreams are those unique successors who seem to be having the time of their life - making money from passion!

So when people ask me "What is your passion?" - I stay quiet and wonder. I may have lost it or I'm still searching for it. How can anyone NOT have a passion? But many, like me, stay quiet and wonder to the same question.

When looking at those with talent and passion, and choose to NOT do anything about it, I can't help but wonder, WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TALENT?!?


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There's always that life-changing event that you look forward to in life.

When I was in high school, I was excited to enter university. I knew it was gonna be the time of my life - freedom - which I agree, it was. The only pressure was just exams. Other than that? I was organizing events. I went to musicals and concerts and hung out with friends whenever I want. Life was free and easy.

Then I was ready to start earning money, to be able to achieve my material dreams in life - travelling, shopping, investments, business. Which also came in the same package with credit card bills, fuel, paying for my own meals and all these other responsibilities - daughter, colleague, employee, sister.

Now comes this other event that I'm really looking forward to: marriage. I'm all excited to get married and I also wonder, how much exciting can it be after? Will it be just like all these other events? After one, then another - maybe the next event to look forward to is having kids? And then your son's first day in school? Or is this THE START of this second phase of journey in life? Like, all these while, it was you + other responsibilities and then now, it's going to be you + him + other responsibilities? Like life is separated into two: your life before and your life after marriage? Is this the beginning?

I want to be married to Mr. because I want to share this other journey of my life with him. I want to be able to take random air asia flights and travel with him, quarrel, cry and laugh with him, get to know Allah better with him, save more money with him, have free pillow talks with him, and when ready, to have cute beautiful babies with him! Heeeee ;)


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////// Note: I've written a Part II (post-wedding) of this post here 

Here's the thing about wedding make up - or make up generally. It should compliment and touch up your face. It shouldn't make you a different person.

I visited a booth at a wedding exhibition held in Shah Alam Convention Centre (SACC) last 2 weeks. This guy was showing me pictures of how magical their make up effect is - "We can make you look like a model!". True enough, some of the pictures they showed were shocking, like really magical! The girls look soooo pretty! I even thought this Malay lady was a Chinese - thanks to the effect of foundation - yes somehow we naturally want to look fairer, while the fair ones wants to get a tan. But really, that is not what I want. I want to look like myself - maybe a bit fresh looking, less oily face - but certainly to look like the original me. I don't want darker/lighter skin or fake longer eye lashes.

I've been recommended to a lot of make up artists here in Malaysia. Ayang Kamell, Sue Cantik, Ezral Nordin - all with different specialties.

Ayang Kamell is popular for his eye make-up:




Sue Cantik is known for her make-up and also her tudung skills: 




But all I want is just is to look as natural as possible. No dark eye make up. No fake eyelashes. No super thick foundation. All I want is this:


And then, you may ask, so why do you need to put make up on if you want to look natural then? Haha. That's just a question that only a girl can answer. 

So anyways. Normal professional make up charges can be around rm800 - rm1500. Ayang Kamell quoted me rm800 for engagement make up. Sue Cantik charges rm1000 for per session of make up - engagement/wedding. Shahidah charges me rm1000. 

I told myself, that I didn't want to spend that much for an engagement.

For engagement, I managed to get a friend's (Fiza) cousin, Nadia Anuar, to do my make up. Her usual charges are around rm450 - but because I told her I don't want smokey eyes effect and that I have short hair so no hair styling is needed, and also that I want very very light make up - she charged me way cheaper, Alhamdulillah :D

I have also secured Sue Cantik for my solemnization. I also need to inform her on how I want the make up to be - I've been told that she's really good - so insyaAllah she can suit my taste. I just wanna make sure that my tudung looks good too! 

As for my reception. I'll probably stick to Nadia Anuar. I'll look at how the engagement make up goes, if all good, I'll stick to her. Just simple light make up. I don't want to be spending too much on make ups. 

Hoping that everything will turn out good! :) :) :)

"Princess Kate does her own make up! You should do yours, yourself too! Free je..." said Mr. 
Ceit! Make up - something men will never understand. 





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In Selangor, it is compulsory to take HIV blood test before getting married. I'm not too sure for non-Muslims, but it is compulsory for Muslims.

There's no pass or fail results. You can still get married if you are tested positive, but its just to inform the soon-to-be married couple of the situation so that pre-caution measures can be taken to avoid the disease spreading and blooming. 

Any government clinics in Selangor now have a special dedicated HIV Blood Test counter, which is only open certain hours in a day. Mr. tried to call a lot of clinics around our office area here in Seri Kembangan but it seems that they don't take appointments and you will have to queue in line for your turn. He finally managed an appointment with Klinik Kesihatan Kelana Jaya and after registration, we waited about 5 minutes for our turn and then another 10 minutes for our results - Alhamdulillah, both results were negative :)

The test kit is like a pregnancy test kit. A prick on your finger for a drop of blood - and then the blood is placed on a kit (as seen below). Wait for a few minutes, a line will be seen to indicate the result.


You should have seen Mr's face when he received the results paper. "Abang, saya dah boleh kawin lah ni kan?" he asked the nurse. "Boleh dah.. bila nak kahwin ni?" 

"Sekarang jugak ni abang saya nak kawin! Dah dapat result ni, sekarang gak saya kawin!" LOL. Malu saya, org lain pandang tsk tsk. 

So anyways. The key is: find a government clinic that takes appointments! Don't waste time waiting for your turn. It can take an hour or so. Of course, I recommend you the Kelana Jaya clinic. 

For other lists of clinic, you may visit the JAIS website here.


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Jom visit FB Page kami!

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...if you get what I mean...


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When we give donations to the poor, do we understand how being poor really feels like?

When we see mothers with feeding their children by the roadside of Jalan Masjid India, have we wondered how it feels like to live in the streets?

We complain so much! Money is never enough. Food is never tasty enough. The weather is just too hot.
We never take the time to ponder, and appreciate what God has given us - something that the less unfortunate wish and pray for.

Mr and some other friends are on a mission this weekend. They wanna experience the life of the poor for a day. They wanna live in the streets for a night.

Come support and join them! They'll be leaving Bukit Jalil area around 9pm. If interested, pls contact him at 012-331-5322.     




Don't just talk! Walk the Talk!
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..I've been procrastinating to start the experiments for my Master's Mini Thesis - and then last weekend I woke up in the morning and told myself, "Argghhh...Let's just do this!" 

So I started off with preparing the materials:



...and then I realized that I didn't know how to make a hole on the PVC pipe! There's a driller there but I'm not sure how to make a hole that can fit the pipe perfectly!

I saw some construction workers who were on their break from our house renovation work, and asked for their help instead! Teee Heeeee ;)





"Don't forget to focus, you'll need to report this in your thesis!"


Cut the pvc pipe using a pipe saw.



After fitting in the elbow and 15mm pipe in the hole, make sure you silicone the connect area to avoid leakage.

And then it's done!

 So, that's how "I BUILD" my own BSF - thank you Wak Indo! :D :D :D

Maybe, they should get the Masters certificate instead...Hmmmm....


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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Location:Persiaran Universiti 1,Upm Serdang,Malaysia

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You know how people complain of dizziness? Like the head is pumping and beating? I've gone through that a couple of times, and its usually due to signs of fever, or too much sleep, or lack of water.

I've also heard of people complaining that their head is spinning. That I've never gone through, other than repeatedly turning myself around 360degrees of course.

However, for the past few days, this has happened to me twice. I stand up, and then I cannot walk straight because everything else around me seems to move around like waves. I try taking a step forward, and then I feel like falling down. My head doesn't hurt at all. I just cannot walk straight, like there's an earthquake happening or something, everything else seems to be moving. I take a few more steps, sit down, drink some water, and then everything is back to normal.

Weird. Dr. Ezyana. Help!


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I just completed reading a book, " The Soul of A Butterfly" from Muhammad Ali and Hana Yasmeen Ali. I was amazed and touched by Muhammad Ali. The words, ideology and thinking is great. It makes me wonder, if he embraced Islam and were proud to his new religion, what am I then? I was born a Muslim and still a Muslim. What have I done that shows that I am a Muslim?


"I believe in the religion of Islam. I believe in Allah and peace"- Muhammad Ali

How touching is that?As a Muslim, I am touched and vows to be a better Muslims. Being a true Muslim will not bring me backwards but I believe that God is with me to the better path of my life. I believe Islam will lead me to a place where I have not been. A place of greatness which I have been looking for.

I have been enjoying reading books lately and I guess I should start reading Holy Quran, Tafseer, The Autobiography of Muhammad and his followers. I vow not be a robot and being dictate by someone. I can listen but NOT to be dictate. Only God can dictate me.

The fear towards mankind should be wiped away. No matter how big, rich, intelligent someone is, only He is Great and that's why He is the Almighty.

Well, I am not a pious or a changed person. Don't change. Change will lead to catastrophe as what has been faced by me. Look for inspirations and motivations daily. There are many honestly.

God created people for reasons. Messi, Muhammad Ali and Lance Amstrong for example, they are great athletes who inspires millions of sport fans due to their unique character. Wealth, fame and glories does not bother them. They inspire with their discipline and character. All of em' believe in God. It shows that whoever believe in God and has a good heart, they will not crumble no matter what.

Our life is too short too complain and brag. Let's change the way we see at things and be thankful for once. No matter what religion we are, we are all praying to the same Al-Mighty. Let's smile and do good deeds starting from today.

Small changes, big differences.

Happy Friday all!



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Just this morning, I attended a meeting with the project team to discuss on the mobilization plan for the vessel and barges. Throughout the meeting, attendees threw out comments like “We’re not sure if this other vessel will arrive on time,” or “What if the weather goes bad and we cannot depart on schedule?” and then we were discussing on what ifs and what ifs and what ifs. Then out of nowhere, an American member of the project team, voiced out clearly and loudly:

“Everybody in this room DOUBTS, but no one is daring enough to make a DECISION. No one wants to hold the responsibility to do so. Make a decision, commit and we tackle the problems as they come. We need to change the way we think here. We need to change our mindset and stop this mentality,”

And then everyone just kept quiet and nodded, agreeing to what he just said.

All you need is just an outsider, a different race, a different nationality, to come up with a different opinion on the whole situation.

The mat-sallehs aren’t the best in everything, but when it comes to their ‘out-of-the-box’ thinking and their attitude, their values, I give them thumbs up. It was some of the things that I learnt during my 4 years studying in Sydney.

But what happened? I’ve learnt a lot from them. Have I not applied them in my everyday life? Or have I been too absorbed with culture of the majorities here? It has only been two years since I came back.

That particular incident had me thinking.

If I were to work in an international company, there will be a variety of people right? It will be good to learn from them and to absorb their culture, especially at the start of our career years. Imagine what I can learn from a Japanese! You know what they say. Your surroundings shape you!

It also makes me sad that Malaysians have quite a long way to go when it comes to the right mentality, the right attitude in life.

But we really can’t be depending so much on the surroundings right? This is home after all. Malaysia. What I can do instead, is to reflect, on myself, on the surroundings, and BE that different outstanding person that sees things in a different manner.

Why expect a change in the society when you cannot even change yourself?

“If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make that CHANGE,” Man in the Mirror by Micheal Jackson


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It’s funny how I’m such a cool and calm person when I’m with everyone else but my loved ones. I easily snap and react towards them, in which I feel really bad about after, especially towards my parents.

I tell myself to keep it cool, but the minute something happens, it just triggers me immediately, without even having the chance for the head to talk to the heart.

Maybe that is who I really am, that darker side of me, which can only be seen by them, my loved ones.

But I hate hurting them. I really do. 

MasyaAllah, berdosanya rasa bila naik suara dengan mak bapak. Kalau tak naik suara, cakap dengan nada perli. Nak mintak maaf pun susah, duk pikir banyak kali. Dengan adik-adik pun, saya senang melenting. Dengan encik rawakrambling ni pun sama. Adoi.. kena belajar control diri. Nanti tak pasal-pasal jadik anak derhaka, isteri derhaka, kakak derhaka…pastu muntah darah, tukar jadik batu dan macam-macam lagilah.. (tulah dia..pengaruh cerekarama tv3 dan tv9)

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via Who's Chasing Who

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This act is also considered unusual in a Muslim country like Malaysia. 

via Islamic Thinking

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Last Friday,  me and Mr went to a talk by Shaykh Abdulbary Yahya in Taylor's University. The title of the talk was "The Shepherd's Path'. It was about the story of our beloved Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.


This was our second time attending an Islamic talk together, the first was Imam Suhaib Webb's talk about 8 months back. Its always a good feeling, attending Islamic talks with him. Like for an hour or so, we were both on the same page, gaining the same knowledge on Islam, telling each other "Eh write that!" or giving eye contact or signs that say "Hah! Listen to that!"... and I love the follow up discussions we have in the car later after the talks.. (although it may sometimes turn out to debates and fights haha)

I notice that most of the attendees came in groups, probably a usual thing for them, to attend these seminars with a group of friends who share the same interests. I'm sure they often get invites to attend these seminars to improve their knowledge in Islam, how lucky!

As for me and Mr, I have to say that it has never really been our top priority, but I'm glad that we remind each other, that sometimes, we need to attend Islamic talks, in order to remind ourselves too. "Eh jom! There's this talk on... yadda...yadda...yadda..."

We can be a bit picky and bias though. Honestly, we love it when the foreigners talk. First of all, its because its conducted in English. Secondly, because they're easier to relate to our modern practices and it really gets to the heart. We don't get reminders on how we'll be punished if we disobey, instead we're being taught and reminded on how we can improve ourselves and purify our hearts - a more overall positive approach.

There was a moment during the talk, Shaykh talked about the day of the death of our Prophet S.A.W, and while he was telling the story, he teared. I looked around and I saw another 5-6 others, bringing out tissues from their pockets/bags, and wiped their tears too. Me and about 50 others in the hall just listened to his story, just like it was another story.

At that moment, I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I didn't love our Prophet as much as these people did. If we love someone, when we talk about them or their deaths, we can feel the sadness in our hearts. But how can we love someone, if we don't know the person well enough? I was ashamed.

Here we are in this modern world, trying our best to know every single thing about Beyonce's life and her pregnancy, go hysteria over Justin Bieber, and mourn on the death of Steve Jobs, and we read books of top international footballers, and we don't even bother to know our Prophet a little better? Other than stories being told by our Ustaz/Ustazah?

In order to love someone, we need to know and understand the person well. What have we done to understand and know our Prophet Muhammad S.A.W well?

Oh. What a reminder.



To keep updates on other related seminars/talks in Malaysia, you may check out:
1. Al-Kauthar Institute
2. Al-Maghrib Institute
3. Young Muslims Project


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via Bablrs


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These past few days, me and mr. have been discussing on whether to have our solemnization done at home or in the mosque.

He prefers the mosque as he wants to start this new journey of ours in a place very much blessed and loved by Allah. He says that in the mosque, people will automatically be well-behaved, and well-dressed; i.e: respect the blessed occasion. Mosque also has a bigger space where more people can witness the ceremony, instead of guests viewing the event through screens.

“I wanna do the solat (prayer) sunat after the solemnization in the mosque, and then after that I want us both to solat hajat together, as a husband and a wife, with me as your imam..and then after that we can celebrate with whichever tradition we want, doesn’t bother me much..” he says.

To tell you the truth, I was deeply touched with that statement.  Like wow… he’s such a man! Hehe.

However, yes, there’s always a but…

There’s that concern on menstruating women entering the mosque – whether its haram? What if I’m the one menstruating? Can I not witness by husband being wed to me?

There’s also that concern on people not dressing well/behaving well in the mosque; some still showing off their aurat or laughing out loud, due to either ignorance or due to lack of knowledge on adab masjid.

There’s also that debate that says that Rasulullah S.A.W doesn’t agree with solemnization being conducted in mosques as it is a place for Muslims to pray and not to conduct other occasions; i.e: sell goods/food/drinks, announce death, conduct khatam quran etc.

And after all, there’s really nothing wrong with solemnizing at home right? More merrier it seems?

Some say certain mosques have special places for solemnization where women are allowed to enter?

Lagi berkat di rumah ataupun di masjid?

Please share with me your opinions on this. Share with me links/articles on this matter. 

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My cousin Tania asked me the other day, "So, what will be your wedding theme?"

I DON'T KNOW! I've never really had a theme in mind before!

"Ok what colour do you like? Green right?"

"Green apple would be nice."

"Eh and then we can literally put green apples!"


...."and you can have a white dress, and the bridesmaids can all be in green,"


...."and we can have the DKNY apple perfume.. and we can hang apples here and there..."

by then, my aunty and my mom were already jumping into the conversation..and then...poooof! There goes my wedding theme: Green Apple!

Did some online research and look at what I've found. Simply B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L :)









OK. Now, I'm excited :D



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So in September, Mr. bought himself a new toy right? only ONE month ago right?

Then last 2 weeks, he enjoyed himself in Bali.. lalalala.. and then, he lost it! He 'accidentally' left it at the counter! Like seriously, who 'accidentally' leaves a ONE month old RM2000 Samsung Galaxy Tab??  Like its a RM2 pen??

To make matters worst, he told his parents about it, got some 'adult' scolding, or more like a reminder, and then he magically worked his way out, and then just last night, "he" got himself a new iPad? Like seriously?!?

Look at how happy he is!! 

Such a spoiled brat. Oh God, please tell me I'm marrying the right man here! 

Now lets get him a GPS tracking system for this new toy.


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First : Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. It is not sufficient merely to say, " I want plenty of money." Be definite as to the amount.

Second: Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. (There is no such reality as "something for nothing.")

Third: Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire.

Fourth: Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire, and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action.

Fifth: Write out clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly the plan through which you intend to accumulate it.

Sixth: Read your written statement aloud, twice daily, once just before retiring at night, and once after arising in the morning.

This article is taken from the "Think and Grow Rich Every Day by Joel Fotinos and August Gold.



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Most of my friends have gone through this dark phase in life, and then suddenly appreciate this other brighter side of it. They've partied hard, enjoyed limitlessly, and then they decide that they're done with all that and settle down.

Some of us don't go through life to the extremes. I for instance, have been going through life moderately, within the grey area. Not too goody-goody and not too naughty as well.

I've always been happy the way I am, the way I live. I'm happy at how moderate and well-balanced my life is. I have never really wanted to try to 'fit-in' or 'blend' in with the crowd, no matter how diverse they are from me.

But I can't help but wonder: Do we really have to go through that extreme phase in life? Everyone seems to be going through it that and there's thoughts in my head, wondering,  "What if I wake up one day and realize that I haven't live life to the fullest? That I haven't experience all that life has to offer? That I suddenly go out partying at the age of 40?" That would be crazy!

I hope if I do wake up with a sudden thought in my head, the thought would be:

"Is Allah satisfied?"

or

"What have you invested in this life for your afterlife?"

Hah take that yo! Heeeee ;)

Life is a balancing act.

via Up In The Stars



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Check this video out. We will be having one in Malaysia soon! Wanna be part of it? Watch this space and follow twitter topic #Mp3xKL

Will share the promo video soon!

 



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<Stanford Report, June 14, 2005>
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.


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"Help yourself before you help others"



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Erina Ellias

Muslim mom-preneur of 2 kids. Co-Founder of zaahara.com.

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