I SUCK AT HOUSEWORK. I wonder what took me sooo long to realize this lols.

Growing up with a helper at home, I'm used to having the house in a tip-top condition. But not used to be the one maintaining it that way.

Mom told me that ever since we were small, we never had to do housework because to her, all that mattered was that we studied well, so all the housework is done by the maid (spoilt much?)

We ate and left our plates in the sink to be washed. Beds are made by the maid. We didn't have to sweep or mop the floor. No folding clothes. None.

So when I was in boarding school, I remember that I was one of the messy ones. My clothes locker were always messy. Every morning, I would push everything in, and quickly close the doors of the locker so that none of the clothes would fall. Weekends, mom would come over and help me keep the clothes tidy. She would laugh, but never really emphasized that it was a big thing. As long as I studied well, you know. To her, these kind of things, can easily be learned as we grow up.

And I guess she was right. Later in my late teens, I flew off to Sydney, where I stayed with housemates. I learned a lot then, vacuuming the house, washing the plates, cooking, keeping the house tidy, although I did struggle a little with my own room. Once every few months, I would spring-clean, hoping that my room would look like how it is in my own home back in Malaysia, but will end up being messy again in a week or so.

Now, we're living on my own, with Mr. and the kids, and it mattered so much to me that the house is not in a tip-top condition, eventhough I don't know how to solve them. I know how I want it to look, but I never seem to ever achieved it. Marie Kondo helped me quite a bit, making me understand the whole concept of cleaning up and getting things organized. And I realized, that it's a process.

I was talking to some random lady about a year back, who shared with me why she was always stressed up coming back home, and then I started analyzing why I complain so much and feel so stressed up when I reach home. It's because the home, doesn't feel like a home. It's just a house with people and things.

Everytime I come back, I see all-the-housework that I've not done - and all the things that have to be done, and seems impossible to be completed. It's either we hire a maid (which seems financially impossible) or I take matter in my own hands. That was when I realize, I need to learn this. I need to stop complaining, and I need to learn to do housework at 32 years old.

So it has been a year now, and it is one of the hardest things to learn honestly. Meeting up to my own expectations, I sometimes push myself a little too hard. It's a process, bits and pieces of habits that needs to be built, and some that needs to be stopped (like leaving cups everywhere in the house, for instance) When it's a habit, the voices in your head that says "You can do it later," just slowly stops. You realize that you can do things, without complaints.

Once in a while, I burst, towards Mr. of course, blaming him for not assisting me. Which also makes him help around more too, alhamdulillah. He tells me he struggles with waking up early in the morning, and I tell him I struggle with housework. He expects me to also struggle with him to wake up early, and I expect him to struggle with housework, just like me, and then one day I told him, "You know, we're all trying to be better here, you with your 5am routine, and me with my housework. Our personal goals may sound ridiculous to one another, but hey, let's try to respect each other's goals here, and not expect each other to have the same goals," - and it has been better ever since!

Anyways back to housework, I need what Marie Kondo has done is awesome. I mean, who would thing that "Getting your house organized" is the hardest thing to do? I still am struggling, and still got a long way to go, but I'm pretty happy with the journey so far, and I understand now, its a process - and how important it is to train your kids to do housework! Or they will sufferrrrrrrr in the future muahahahaha.