rawakramblings

I've been having back ache at the top part of my body for a week now. It started last Friday. I woke up to a wrong sleeping position. And it hurts really bad! Not just neck, but also shoulder and back!

I put 'koyok' patch for two nights and it didn't get any better. Instead I had a hard time sleeping comfortably because of the cold tingling feeling of the patch.

Then I tried going for a massage. The massage parlor didn't give me a nice relaxing massage but it was a torturing one hour massage session because according to her, my blood is not circulating well and that area that hurts is now swelling.

The next morning, I woke up feeling like I just had a work out session the night before! The whole day went pretty bad for me. People tell me that it is normal to feel some ache after a massage session, its because you body is healing it seems. And so, I waited in patience.

The next day, body heals better but the pain at the shoulder and back is still there, actually even worst.

Today, after a week, I am still feeling it. Its as though, every morning, I wake up to a back sore.

Maybe its the sleeping position? Maybe its the pillow? Maybe its the mattress? Maybe it needs even more time to heal? Maybe I should put those patches every night? Mom says I should swim.

Help!

One more week till my last day here in this company! #countingdays

I've been getting a lot of remarks on how happy I look as the date is nearer. My face lights up during conversations. I smile and laugh often. "Does it feel like a huge stone is removed from your head? Does it feel lighter?" To be honest, I do not notice any of these. But whatever, its good right? Maybe its the positive aura .. ceh ceh. 

Its funny how the person who is most affected that I'm leaving the company is my beloved husband. We've been in the same office ever since before we got married!

During our drive to and back from office, he will say sentimental statements like "I can't believe I'll be driving alone later on.." "I'm gonna miss our times..." "Who's gonna have lunch with me?".
As if I'm going off outstation or something #sweetgitu.

#countingdays

I grew up with my parents making the word MALAS (lazy) a taboo. Never ever say the word MALAS even if you are lazy. Sigh a little, but don't say the word.

I never understood why its such a bad word, we're not even cursing!

Just like any other teenager, I rebelled a little. I started using MALAS when I was in Sydney, always giving excuses NOT to do certain things.

"Malas laa nak gi kelas..."

"Malas laa nak pegi event tu..."

"Malas laa nak keluar, sejuk laaaa,"

Little did I know that this has become apart of me now. Most of the time, I give excuses not to attend events just because I'm tired - what a ridiculous reason is that. I choose to procrastinate; delaying errands that can be done today to the next day just because I'm lazy.

I realized that I've missed out a lot due to this selfish me.

My parents tell me, "If you have nothing better to do, why be lazy?"

I think just the word itself is negative that even if you say it as a casual fun thing, it somehow becomes apart of you. Like calling someone stupid for instance; especially your own kids.

One MALAS leads to another MALAS. We need to JUST DO IT instead.
Life is too short to be wasted on the word MALAS.

Just a few minutes ago, a group of newbies stood in front of my cubicle. The HR Representative introduced them to the team, this is so and so... and that is so and so.

We have heard of this. 12 fresh graduates being hired into Engineering Graduate Program. In the midst of people being laid off, it seems that we need more people in the operation/project team to assist. They must be the chosen ones.

(Actually, it is quite true that there are a redundant of staffs in certain departments here; which is probably also why they're offering VSS to certain departments)

So anyways. Back to these newbies. You can see it in them; FRESH and EXCITED! You can feel their vibes; smilling and walking confidently. I smiled - as this really reminds me of my own self, 5 years back, also being absorbed into the same program. I was excited to enter this new chapter of my life. I was looking forward to finally start my career upon graduation.

Wow. Has it really been 5 years?

I have started naively. Introduced to the oil and gas industry during my first year. Got involved with a lot of projects. I was groomed well through this program and I have learnt a lot from all these experiences. I got married to someone I met here. I'm now a mummy. Oh wow. 5 years? Really?

I know that there are still a lot more that I can learn. Experience is always the best teacher. But the heart says otherwise. Never have I expected that I will be leaving my career to do something on my own, never! Yet, it feels right.

Maybe its my time now to be that newbie again, but in a different world. I can see it in myself, EXCITED!

I wish the newbies the very best in this new chapter of theirs. May they excel and always challenge themselves to be better. Keep the positive spirit going. Be someone. Contribute. Take responsibilities. Lead. In everything that they do.

I, on the other hand, will be opening a new chapter myself :)

#countingdays!

The drop in oil prices have brought impact to the economy; specifically the oil & gas industry. The company I'm working with now  (leaving in 2 weeks time weeehoooo) decided to scale down the number of employees to cope with this.

A few months back, we have heard of a number of staffs given the option of Voluntary Seperation Scheme (VSS) and took it. It seems to date, more than 40 staffs took the other option, the Mutual Seperation Scheme (MSS).

We are due to receive our annual bonus based on our Performance Management System (PMS) score in a few weeks time. Just 2 weeks back, some employees were given letters informing them that they are now under probation for nonperforming. These employees are not qualified to receive any bonus and were given 2 months to buck up and perform.

It seems that the performance bar for this year has been raised resulting to a number of people purposely being placed in this list, even though they score the same marks as their colleagues. These employees are being scapegoats maybe because they are the least important in the department; or maybe because they have made a mistake before; or maybe simply because his/her boss dislikes him/her.

The way I look at it, the company is trying to cut down their costs on the number of people receiving bonus. They are also trying to run away from paying them VSS/MSS by giving them 2 months probation and telling them in a nice way to look for an alternative job soon. In two months time, they will look at the situation of the oil price and the company and screen through the names again. You will not be released because you're not performing, but because you're not needed. They will find a way to proof it. Saying all this, is of course, just my opinion.

Sounds cruel right? But that is how a corporate company works I guess. Employees are looked as assets/liabilities. When you are not needed, you will be removed.  You are not looked at as human beings who have responsibilities, who have family members to support.

With all this happening, I keep telling myself many many times, again and again, how glad I am to have decided to create my own destiny out there, instead of staying here in this cubicle, listening to instructions and let the company decide when they need me and when they don't.

Employees positions are becoming even more vulnerable, with the Human Resource team monitoring punctuality and discipline. Bosses are working under stress and pressure, screaming and yelling to counterparts and also those below them. Its a mad jungle with wild animals and I'm glad to be leaving all this behind soon.

I pity those who are being victims of this situation. But I believe that Allah knows better. Each one of them will learn that there's a good reason behind all this, either sooner or later. I pray Allah give them strengths.

You know what. At the end of the day, it is God who provides.