It was my 39th week pregnancy check-up. As usual, I had to do my urine test. It was then I noticed that brown spot. I went back to Dr Delaila's clinic and told the nurse about the brown spot, she said, "Waa..that's usually the sign. Do you feel any contraction?" "Err... no. I'm not too sure how its supposed to feel like," I said. The nurse just smiled and told me to wait till my turn to see the doctor and see what she says about it. 

While waiting, both me and Mr. were excited thinking "Oohhh, the day is finally HERE!," I on the other hand, also had some nervousness in me - worried about labour pain and all. 

While waiting for our appointment number, had breakfast at Dome at SDMC.

When seeing Dr. Delaila, she checked on the opening of my cervix. "Hmm.. it has opened. But still very small. Not even a centimeter. That's alright. Just make sure you take extra calcium tablets and I'll see you next week yah. Here's another 5 days of MC. Just make sure you come to Level 4 whenever you feel a contraction of 5 minutes interval," 

"Not the time yet," I whatsapped our family group. And so Mr. sent me back home and head over to his weekend masters class.

At home, I had lontong for lunch and watched an episode of HIMYM on 711 Astro. Occasionally I felt my stomach stretched and told myself that maybe I should time that, just in case that is what they say a contraction should feel like. And so I timed using a contraction apps on my iPhone. 50mins. 20mins. 50mins. 30mins. And they lasted 1 min per 'contraction'. "Hmm... maybe this isn't contraction,"...

I went into my room for Zuhur prayers, and then I read Surah Maryam and prayed to Allah to ease my labour and shorten my labour pain. I've always prayed to have a short labour so that I will have the strength to breast-feed my baby straight after birth. I drank some zamzam water (which I've been drinking for the past 2 weeks) and then took a nap. It was during this sleep that I felt these contractions slightly painful - more like diarrhea tummy pain - in which, did make me go in and out of the toilet later with diarrhea. At this time, I knew it was contractions because it became more and more prominent and they were 20 minutes apart, 1 min duration each.

At around 5pm, contractions became painful. The funny thing is, in between contractions, I feel perfectly fine that I can even eat fried bananas! I prayed Asar and again, prayed for a short labour and this time around, tawakal to Allah - I said "I know that YOU know what is going to happen and I have prayed for the very best and done what is necessary and now I'm letting things happen the way it should, the way you've decided... just give me the strength,". I can still remember that contraction came during my last rakaat that I had to pause and breathe in and out deeply to stand the pain.

By 6pm, I couldn't stand it anymore. I knew it was time. I called Mr and said, "I think you should come back now.. I think it's time," I swear I can hear excited-ness in his voice when he replied, "Ok. ok.. leaving now," -- hello?? I'm in pain here..why so happy?

I double checked my labour bag for all the necessary documents and things to bring to the hospital and then I head into the shower for a round of hot shower. Hot shower really calms me down! Breathing deeply under the hot shower...so relaxing..! Didn't realize how long it was that when I came out, Mr was already back home. By then, when contraction came,  couldn't stand straight.

Mr. hugged me and said, "I maafkan you yang, for everything," Then I hugged my parents and said my apologies to them for all my wrongdoings, not because I was afraid of not surviving labour but to get blessings to ease my labour process. Then, off we went to the hospital, which was only 2 mins away btw.

7pm, we were already in the labour room. The midwife checked on my dilation and said, "4cm and your contractions are 2 minutes apart. Kuat jugak awak than sakit ye..ni dah active labour dah, " and then I Mr. said, "Ohh alhamdulillah, dah almost halfway dah!,"

"Awak dah decide nak pain killer apa?".. asked the midwife.
"Gas je..."
"Waahhh.. bagus ni,"
I told myself, "Yes, come on, you can stand this,"

Mr. prayed Maghrib next to me in the labour room.. and then Isya'..and then solat hajat. and I can't remember if he read the Quran but I remember seeing him reciting some surahs and throughout contractions, I remember him zikr which helped me to zikr also in my head because honestly, contractions were sooo painful that you tend to forget everything. He also helped with the breathing methods during contractions, which was something we learned during the pre-natal classes that we attended.

Everytime during contraction, I looked for Mr's hands, "Tangan...tangan..sayang..." and I held them really really tightly and transferred all that pain to his hand.. it felt like a relief! Mr told me later that I was really squeezing his hand and fingers really really tight that it hurts but he pretended that he could stand it because he knew I was going through worst..Kesiannn dia..sorry dear!

By 9pm, I asked for some gas and they told me that gas (enthonox) can only be given when I'm 7cm dilated. By then I was only 6cm. I was shocked! I didn't know that there was a limit as to when I can use the gas. I was mentally prepared to use the gas as the pain killer.

"Kita boleh bagi injection kalau puan tak boleh tahan.."

"Takpe.. takpe.. saya boleh tahan..."

Pfft! Lasted only for a few more contractions....and then I gave up and called for the midwife, "Okay.. bagi injection,".. better known as pethidine.

The pain was the same. But I felt my muscles more relax. My back didn't hurt anymore. The pain focused on only the contraction and in between contractions, I could have a few minutes of nap to rest and gain back my energy.

They gave me gas to breathe during contractions by about 10pm and then everything else felt really quick. Doc came in. I made some crazy ridiculous comments about her attire due to me being high on the drugs. Then I felt some hot water gushing out. Dr. broke my water bag. Then she left. She came back in again. They asked me to push. I pushed hard. But it still wasn't hard enough. It felt like a really really bad constipation and I really had to get this really big huge gigantic rock out. I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed again. and again and again and again.. and then she was out!

Dr.Delaila passed the scissors to Mr. for him to cut the umbilical cord, then.. I heard cries.. baby cries. I saw the midwives took her to be cleaned and then weigh her and passed her to Mr. Honestly it was hard to compose how I felt. I wasn't all 'Ahhh-she's-so-beautiful-it's-a-miracle' - I just sat there and just looked at everything not feeling anything. Then I heard Mr. recite the Azan to Aisya and then the midwife passed the baby to me. That was the first time I saw her, quiet and asleep, and I looked at Mr. and we both smiled.

"Okay..we're going to leave your here for 30 minutes. Boleh susukan baby and relax dulu sementara tunggu bilik siap..dah tau macam mana nak susukan baby?"

"Err...first time ni,"I replied and the midwife smiled and showed me how. Aisya was just quiet and the minute we directed the nipple to her mouth, she went all active and excited..after a few attempts, she was already sucking, Alhamdulillah..I got what I wished and prayed for - to breastfeed my baby right after birth to let her get all the colostrum she needs to enable her to be strong. It was then, that I said to myself. ".. Alhamdulillah,"