Wearing the Hijab - 5 Months Down the Road
Up to date, it has been almost 5 months since I started wearing the hijab. I have been okay the first few months, until lately, that I suddenly feel like not-wearing them anymore. I'm not sure if its the devil whispering or if I'm really really not ready.
I'm a very very laid back person when it comes to dressing.Comfort always comes first before beauty. I used to wear huge T-shirts and jumpers with black tights, and pair them up with a sling back and my birkenstock sandals. Sometimes I'll just wear shorts with my fav Havaianas slippers. Hair is usually left tangled.
Now that I'm wearing the hijab, all these laid back fashion doesn't seem to fit well. I need to find the right colour of hijab to match my attire. I need to make sure that my attire covers up; which is quite a problem because I don't seem to have that many long sleeve shirts and pants. I also need to make sure that I don't dress up like an aunty (makcik) or a maid, making sure that my hijab looks modern and young. Most of them time, I feel like I'm not being myself and that I really miss my old-self. I sometimes miss having the freedom of wearing skirts and shorts anytime I want.
Sometimes, I also feel like a hypocrite. I find it very hard to even pray 5 times a day, and yet here I am, wearing the hijab. I feel like I'm just pretending to be this nice Muslimah.
I talked to 2 of my hijab-wearing-girlfriends , they told me that it might just be a phase. They said if I'm really not ready and feel uncomfortable, I would have felt it the first few weeks of wearing it, but having reaching my 5th month is actually quite an achievement. They also told me to not put too much pressure on the new image. It's just covering the head. I can still be my old self:
"Just because you're wearing the hijab, doesn't mean you can't go for karaoke or that you can't hold your boyfriend's hands. To be a good muslim, there are processes. Allah doesn't expects us to change 360 in a day. So give yourself sometime to adjust and adapt. Deciding to wear the hijab, is already a big step on its own,"
"NO one is perfect. Even we sometimes miss our prayers. Iman is something that sometimes come and go. We just need to find ways in finding it again,"
"Why don't you go and shop for new attires? Go all out in changing your wardrobe. At least, when you look good, you will be more confident with yourself,"
I remember how I really really wanted to wear the hijab before, and now that I'm wearing it, I feel otherwise. The grass IS always greener on the other side huh? Heeeee.
I need to give time to others to get used to this new me too. I think its normal for people to have the typical mind-set of an un-cool hijab girl, but its really up to me to change their perspectives. Be myself. Be myself. Be myself.
Change is never an easy process. We all need patience and courage in doing so. I need all the support I can to get used being this new me.
I'm a very very laid back person when it comes to dressing.Comfort always comes first before beauty. I used to wear huge T-shirts and jumpers with black tights, and pair them up with a sling back and my birkenstock sandals. Sometimes I'll just wear shorts with my fav Havaianas slippers. Hair is usually left tangled.
Now that I'm wearing the hijab, all these laid back fashion doesn't seem to fit well. I need to find the right colour of hijab to match my attire. I need to make sure that my attire covers up; which is quite a problem because I don't seem to have that many long sleeve shirts and pants. I also need to make sure that I don't dress up like an aunty (makcik) or a maid, making sure that my hijab looks modern and young. Most of them time, I feel like I'm not being myself and that I really miss my old-self. I sometimes miss having the freedom of wearing skirts and shorts anytime I want.
Sometimes, I also feel like a hypocrite. I find it very hard to even pray 5 times a day, and yet here I am, wearing the hijab. I feel like I'm just pretending to be this nice Muslimah.
People around also seem to have this perspective that a girl with a hijab is a nice goody-goody un-cool girl who is no fun :(
"Just because you're wearing the hijab, doesn't mean you can't go for karaoke or that you can't hold your boyfriend's hands. To be a good muslim, there are processes. Allah doesn't expects us to change 360 in a day. So give yourself sometime to adjust and adapt. Deciding to wear the hijab, is already a big step on its own,"
"NO one is perfect. Even we sometimes miss our prayers. Iman is something that sometimes come and go. We just need to find ways in finding it again,"
"Why don't you go and shop for new attires? Go all out in changing your wardrobe. At least, when you look good, you will be more confident with yourself,"
I remember how I really really wanted to wear the hijab before, and now that I'm wearing it, I feel otherwise. The grass IS always greener on the other side huh? Heeeee.
I need to give time to others to get used to this new me too. I think its normal for people to have the typical mind-set of an un-cool hijab girl, but its really up to me to change their perspectives. Be myself. Be myself. Be myself.
Change is never an easy process. We all need patience and courage in doing so. I need all the support I can to get used being this new me.
4 comments
You know, I actually went through this phase towards the end of our time in INTEC. A lot of the girls didn't wear hijab, and you do tend to wonder what it would be like if you didn't. And I'll be honest, I do think to myself, now and then, that I'd look prettier without the hijab on, or how easy it would be to dress up or down. When those moments come, I prefer to think that it comes from within me and not from syaitaan, and that it means there's something within me that I need to address and fix. It says something about my relationship with God, and whether I've been relying on God and obeying Him the way I should.
ReplyDeleteWearing the hijab means there are definitely extra considerations when it comes to fashion choices, but I don't believe in matching your hijab with your outfit or trying hard not to look like a makcik. The point of wearing the hijab is so that you're not compelled to follow fads or fashions, and doing so would defeat the purpose.
Wear what is comfortable for you in a hijab and which looks good on you. Wear long-sleeved shirts and jeans, and don't worry whether it's in fashion or not, because that thing comes and goes anyway.
And like you mentioned, a person's behavious does change with the hijab, but not dramatically. Saidina Umar, when he converted, still kept all of the qualities that made him a powerful leader in Makkah, but he altered in such a way that those qualities complemented his new life as a Muslim. I think that's what we have to do as well, and not change who we are as much as try to IMPROVE on who we are, so that it fits with what God wants for us. Praying five times a day is part of that, so just look at it as stepping stones in improvement. Always pray for guidance and strength.
And ditto to the retail therapy, because it always ALWAYS makes me feel better. I used to think shopping was a bit pointless, but dressing well (esp at work) does wonders for the self-confidence!
Be proud of who you are, Erin, and don't focus so much on other people's expectations. You're not a hypocrite for being imperfect - wearing the hijab doesn't indicate to the world or to God that you are perfect, but rather than you're trying hard at life.
Stay strong, love - you know I've always admired you for that. You know where to find me if you need to rant ;)
maybe i should really prepare myself before wearing one. lots of people who just wore the hijab have the same problems. even my friends.
ReplyDeleteSyaz. You know I've never been a fashion follower. Its not about that. Its about finding the right style for myself and about looking and feeling good,comfortable and confident. Its about finding that right kind of outfit which says: This is Erina.
ReplyDeleteSyaz. Thanks sooo much for this. Thanks soo much for the support.
Few days after,I'm actually feeling better. Like I'm back on the right track. I guess this kind of moments do come and go. Hopefully with a stronger relationship with God, it wouldn't come too often! ;)
I like how you're very honest about it in this post :-) Anyways, I'm still and always proud of you, for this, and so much more!
ReplyDeleteI don't have much to share as I have not started wearing the hijab. I just wanted to say that your entry made me smile :-) Continue to inspire, Erin. *hugs*!