rawakramblings

Every morning, he borrows newspaper from the cashier at our office's cafeteria, read it while eating, then returns it back to the cashier. 

I'm glad that the whole of last week, I made my bed EVERY morning! Let's keep this going for the next couple of weeks, until it becomes a habit.

Small steps people. Small steps.

Weeeeeeeeee~ :D

There is never a perfect relationship. There is never a two perfect person for each other. In any relationships, no matter how similar the partners are to each other, there will always be differences.

Each person is brought up differently by their parents; taught different values and go through different life experiences. All these, characterized an individual and make them who they are. Thus there are no such two individuals that will share the same principles,thinking or characteristics; not even any two siblings.

They say the first 3 months of a relationship, is called the honeymoon period. Some say its the first year of the relationship. During this phase, we seem to cherish all these differences. We stick to the saying that 'opposite attracts' and we laugh and joke at our differences. "At least, you're teaching me something new," we claim.

It is usually between that after that honeymoon period that we start realizing how these differences might interest us or quite the opposite, might start to irritate or annoy us. That is when tolerance come in place.

Couples survive relationships because they tolerate and sacrifice for each other. The minute you are selfish, and you start thinking of yourself, that is when you break up or divorce and go seperate ways.

You get to know a person, you start dating them, and then you start noticing the differences or the characters that irritate you. You tolerate some of them; the ones that you can bare with. And when you just cannot bare with any of his/her characteristics, because it is affecting your relationship and your emotions (i.e; him being too over-protective or her being a shopaholic for instance) you break up, date others and see if the next relationship might work out. The question here is, where is the limit? When do you decide that "I don't think this can work out anymore, not with this issue," When??


Because you see, when all these minor issues are manageable, you may decide to get married. Sometimes, you may decide to get married because you love your partner very much, and that you're willing to put the differences aside, no matter how big they are. When that happens, a whole new relationship starts all over again. New characters may appear. This time around, a much higher tolerance is needed.

In Islam, any married couple must put their 200% effort to make their marriage work as divorce is very much hated by Allah. So don't keep on living in denial and move on to marriage, when you know deep inside, that the relationship is too chaotic to work out well.

However bare in mind, that the decision to get married in the first place, is a gamble. There's no turning back. People change upon marriage. Thus, be choosy if you want to, then take your pick and enjoy the ride. Then on, don't forget du'a (doa) and prayers. With prayers insyaAllah, marriage becomes a hope. A hope of building a joyful family with your loved one, and go through whatever obstacles that may pass.

Some may choose to keep on looking until they've found the one that they know they can tolerate living the rest of their life with. Some may decide to get married to the one that they really love, and then learn to manage the differences later on in life. Whichever way, we cannot run away from having tolerances and sacrifices in relationships. If you choose to think of yourself, you might end up alone.

Hana Tajima Simpson. A British-Japanese designer from London. She converted to Muslim 6 years back. I'm sure many Muslim women have heard of her, if not, her popular fashion website: Maysaa.

I was reading her profile and came across this:

One of the first things I did when I became Muslim was to donate all my ‘un-Islamic’ clothes to my little sister, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Six years later and a fair few of those items have slipped back into my wardrobe along with other things I thought I’d never be able to wear.  It was a long process, trying to find the right balance, but I never wanted to lose sight of my own personal style and self expression.  The secret to it all is simple, if elusive… feel comfortable.

She's said it all right. I know my process of finding the right balance will take quite sometime. Getting there, insyaAllah! :D

Oh and she's also popular for her inner satin scarf, which covers the neck area. You can just simply put on any scarf/shawl without having to worry of the neck showing.

This is Hana with her inner satin snood.

Here's Yuna, also wearing the inner satin with Hana.

Another of Hana's style with her inner satin.

Mine's on the way! I'll give my personal reviews once I've received it. Have you ordered yours?

 

Up to date, it has been almost 5 months since I started wearing the hijab. I have been okay the first few months, until lately, that I suddenly feel like not-wearing them anymore. I'm not sure if its the devil whispering or if I'm really really not ready.

I'm a very very laid back person when it comes to dressing.Comfort always comes first before beauty. I used to wear huge T-shirts and jumpers with black tights, and pair them up with a sling back and my birkenstock sandals. Sometimes I'll just wear shorts with my fav Havaianas slippers. Hair is usually left tangled.

Now that I'm wearing the hijab, all these laid back fashion doesn't seem to fit well. I need to find the right colour of hijab to match my attire. I need to make sure that my attire covers up; which is quite a problem because I don't seem to have that many long sleeve shirts and pants. I also need to make sure that I don't dress up like an aunty (makcik) or a maid, making sure that my hijab looks modern and young. Most of them time, I feel like I'm not being myself and that I really miss my old-self. I sometimes miss having the freedom of wearing skirts and shorts anytime I want.

Sometimes, I also feel like a hypocrite. I find it very hard to even pray 5 times a day, and yet here I am, wearing the hijab. I feel like I'm just pretending to be this nice Muslimah.

I talked to 2 of my hijab-wearing-girlfriends , they told me that it might just be a phase. They said if I'm really not ready and feel uncomfortable, I would have felt it the first few weeks of wearing it, but having reaching my 5th month is actually quite an achievement. They also told me to not put too much pressure on the new image. It's just covering the head. I can still be my old self:

"Just because you're wearing the hijab, doesn't mean you can't go for karaoke or that you can't hold your boyfriend's hands. To be a good muslim, there are processes. Allah doesn't expects us to change 360 in a day. So give yourself sometime to adjust and adapt. Deciding to wear the hijab, is already a big step on its own,"

"NO one is perfect. Even we sometimes miss our prayers. Iman is something that sometimes come and go. We just need to find ways in finding it again,"

"Why don't you go and shop for new attires? Go all out in changing your wardrobe. At least, when you look good, you will be more confident with yourself,"

I remember how I really really wanted to wear the hijab before, and now that I'm wearing it, I feel otherwise. The grass IS always greener on the other side huh? Heeeee.

I need to give time to others to get used to this new me too. I think its normal for people to have the typical mind-set of an un-cool hijab girl, but its really up to me to change their perspectives. Be myself. Be myself. Be myself.

Change is never an easy process. We all need patience and courage in doing so. I need all the support I can to get used being this new me. 

On 15/4/11, I celebrated my birthday in the most laid back manner. For the past two years, it has been a disappointment. No celebration by my previous babe and from my friends. I was staying over at my friends place last year and complained during my stay there. Prior to my post birthday, I would like share a few things :

We actually spend most of our daytime in the workplace. Like it or not, the environment in the office can affect our everyday moods and our character building. Those who have been working for quite sometime now will find that work is just another routine. As for me, who haven't even reached my 1 year anniversary of working, I find it very important to take these few initial years of my career to build myself and be on a steep learning curve.

I wanna start being that independent responsible I once was back in Sydney.

Let's start with only these two things:
1) I will make my bed every morning.
2) I will put used clothes in the laundry basket.

Received a random private msg on my twitter from a friend, "Hey Erin, are you okay? You seem a bit more... emo,lately. Which is fine, but just wanted to check if  you're ok :) " which i think is really sweet of her. But trust me, she's not the first.

I realized for the past 4 months or so, I've been quite bitter. I get emotional easily and bash it all out on twitter and facebook. Heck I even went ballistic on some of my friends of FB, which is really not me.

I think Its the whole study + work situation, which hasn't been the easiest to manage. Plus, I also realized that breaking up with my 4-years relationship boyfriend, has made some things in life unstable. I was used to having him around in my life for the past 4 years, and now that he's not there, there's a little bit of something missing in this system. Don't get me wrong, I don't emotionally miss him (like the whole mushy2 cry i miss him), I just find this whole situation of standing on my own, a new environment.

I've also started dating again - which means there's that whole new system to create and get used to.  Different characters and different expectations. Different routines for sure. Still a support system, but in a different way. Nothing wrong, nothing right, just everything new and different. Sometimes fun, sometimes disappointing. Just like my previous relationship, this new system will take quite sometime getting used to - to reach that stage of stability - no more surprises, no more games.

Honestly, entering the month of April, I'm actually quite impressed with myself. There's less drama (which I know is sometimes self-created), and my tweets are less emotional, and I'm generally in a happy state. I manage problems more positively. I've slowly gain back my confidence and independence.

Here's some self-reminders I write on the divider of my office cubicle

She said a few more things that reminded me of who I was before:
"You're so optimistic and strong anyways, it's so inspiring. You've always been one of the strongest girls I know. It's okay to not be stable now and then though. Life rarely allow for stability, anyway,"


Dear you, thanks for the kind words. This is just one of those phases. It will go away, insya Allah :)

I realized one thing today. Back in Sydney, people are generally very generous with smiles and greetings.

"Hello"

"Hi"

"How's your day been?"

or sometimes just a simple smile.

Be it the taxi driver or your boss or the tea lady or the toilet cleaner or your lecturer. You call them by their names. You don't have 'sir' or 'boss' or 'Mr.' or 'Miss' or even 'Prof'. You treat them equally. You can sit with them and talk like friends and still keep the respect.

I've been working here in Malaysia for almost 7 months now, and I realized that here, there's always that hierarchy of treatment. You call your supervisors or anyone higher than you 'Boss' and you obey to his every rule and contributing ideas/criticism is not highly encouraged. Eating with your boss during lunch is a very big deal. When passing by superiors not from your department, you pretend like you don't recognize him/her and just walk pass by. Why the complexity? 'Eh boss boss!' Why can't we just greet everyone equally and be more pleasant?

Malaysians are good with the elderly. We have the highest respect to the elderly. In my office, we treat tea ladies will respect because they're old. I like that about us. But i think this whole complexity when socializing with those more in power should stop. Hmm..maybe, the bosses put that impression towards their staffs, that they prefer to be treated special, which is why we bow to that.