rawakramblings

Pre-pregnant, my weight was 55kg.

Post-delivery, after about 3 months, my weight returned back to 55kg. But since I was breastfeeding Aisya, my weight decreased little by little until I reached about 50kg after 1.5 years breastfeeding her.

Many say that breastfeeding the a good way to lose weight. As for me, yes I did lose weight, but maybe a little too much. I was also unhealthy. I easily got sick. Maybe because I wasn't taking extra supplements.

Towards the end of the breastfeeding journey, Aisya was already on the bottle, feeding only at night, and also waking up in the middle of the night. So the theories of people around me telling me that my kid was taking my nutrient away is definitely not true. I wasn't pumping anymore in the office, I was eating well, and Aisya didn't drink much. The only other thing that made sense was waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night.

I was getting a lot of concern comments from my parents and friends; are you sure you're okay? Why don't you check with the doctor, are you taking supplements, why do you look so weak.

But the thing is, I felt perfectly fine!

Maybe I wasn't getting enough rest, and work demanded a lot of my energy. I was draining out, losing more weight, getting easily sick, always sleepy and easily tired. Plus, I was also juggling with business when I'm not working, and so I was tired. To what extend can you multi-task right? But I guess, I never realized any of these. That I wasn't in my happier state.

Due to my 2nd pregnancy, I managed to wean off Aisya. Right after miscarriage, I realized that I also got my night sleeps. And then I decided to quit my full time job. And my mind is now well organized. I get enough rest. I'm not overworked. I can fully stretch my mind when it comes to running my business and it feels worth it, using your mental and brain power for your passion. I like how I can organize my daily time to do things that matter.

I'm seeing that the miscarriage event is the start of a lot of changes. It is when I decided to take the leap and quit my full time job. It also showed me how I wasn't taking care of myself; my mind and my body. I think my body was unhealthy to even hold a baby because that little creature inside of me just decided to stop growing. It showed me ways in achieving happiness and contentment in life.

Now when I see people, they tell me that they see that glow. "Wow, what happen? " "You look so lively!"

And I'm now back to my original weight of 55kg. No more underweight. No more feeling fatigue and tired.

I think I was trying to hard to be perfect at everything and not gaining and perfection at any of them!

I'm glad that I decided to focus.

Also note to breastfeeding mothers, when you have stop breastfeeding, you have to learn to control your eating habit, or you may gain weight drastically. When you breastfeed, you eat a lot. So stop the eating habits and insyaAllah you will stay the same. As for me, I was focusing on gaining weight, so I ate a lot! Now I'm trying to control, ngehehehe. 

Last night was our very first time playing Good Cop, Bad Cop with Aisya. Guess who is the Good Cop? ME! ME! :D

Aisya has been quite demanding these days. Having a mind of her own, she wants what she wants. Sometimes after explaining to her why its a NO, she would reply 'Ok!' but sometimes, she just answers back sarcastically, saying back "You!" "Nak!" "Yes!"

So anyways, these past few weeks, she's been requesting the tv before she sleeps. I guess saying okay a few nights, she has naik lemak, and demanding it EVERY night. That's why they say discipline is important I guess.

So last night, I told her No. "It's time to sleep Aisya, no TV," and she kept on crying and crying saying "Nak vivi....nak vivi....," and then Mr. had to say firmly "Aisya, NO!" and she was shocked. Maybe because Mr has always been the playful one. "Mummyy....mummy...." she cried while hugging me tightly.

After a few minutes, she goes back to "Nak vivi...nak vivi....." and then I had to say "Aisya, its time to sleep, nanti ayah marah nanti... " (seee! Good cop, blames the Bad cop ngehehehhe)
And she automatically lies back down to bed! Takut jugak!

After that, she sits up again, and says "Nak vivi....nak vivi....". Mr stood up and say "Aisya, No! It's time to go to sleep! You can watch tv tomorrow!"

Aisya cries loudly and hugs me again tightly... (best gak hehe) and then as I sing some songs to sleep, she was already fast asleep....it works guys! Someone needs to be the bad cop to be strict, and the other one to be the good cop to calm and soothe her down.

I'm glad I was the good cop! :) :) :)

Many times we tell ourselves that "Yes, I Can," as a way to motivate ourselves to be better. But little did I know that this is only a small part of us conquering our own minds.

I used to tell my dad, "I don't think I'm that good at Additional Maths subject, I don't seem to be scoring it like others do," and back then he told me that, "Look! Saying that, means you are already telling your mind that you are not good. You are already setting a wall in your mind, a blockage,". I never really understood it, I mean, Hello? Why can't I complain that I'm not good? Am I suppose to say that I'm good at everything even when I'm not? Hellooo?

But you know what, we have the capability to trick our mind. Success is about conquering the mind. This is something that I just realized these past week, thanks to the IMKK seminar by Dr Azizan that I attended and also by discussing further with my father-in-law.

We all know that our brain has waves:

1. Beta Wave - The Waking Consciousness 
This is the heightened state of alertness, the state when you are walking and talking, the state when you're awake. Its most important for effective functioning throughout the day. The Beta wave has voices; the nagging inner voice that gives reasoning and logical thinking to every situation you go through out the day.

2. Alpha Wave - The Deep Relaxation Wave 
This is the time that your subconcious mind takes over the brain. It happens when you are relaxing, or when you're just about to sleep or during light meditation. Do you know that this is the time that you can program your mind for success?

3. The other two waves are the Theta & Delta Waves - which are the state the brain goes into when sleeping and during deep sleep. Not so important here as I would like to share about the Beta & Alpha wave.

The ALPHA WAVE. The time when you are in that relaxed mode, is the best time that you can program your mind on what you want. This is also the strongest connection you can have with Allah, in telling Him your heart desires.

Some of the times that you brain gets into the alpha mode is through:

1. Solat (Salah)

If you read the book 'Think & Grow Rich' by Napolean Hill, or if your ask any psychologists, one of the ways to get your mind into the subconcious state is by breathing in deeply, hold your breath for 4 seconds and then breathe out again. Do you know that to achieve khusyukness (focus) during solat is to breathe in and out this way just before you start solat and also just before each sentences of reciting your surahs.

By doing this, you will get your mind into the Alpha state, and shut down all the voices from the Beta wave; you know, those voices of logical thinking and reasoning? Focus on Allah. And then right after your salaam, recite your prayers (du'a), while still in that state. Feel that connection that you have with Him.

The same can be applied to Zikir & reading the Quran. Breathe in deeply, hold for 4 seconds, and breathe out again. Feel that connection. Instead of praying just because you have to pray, and read the Quran just because you have to.. and keep on looking for that 'feeling' of connection. Ask Him all that you want, tell Him that you want that job position, that you want to score that particular exam, that you want a child, be specific! When do you want it? What is the score that you want? Which position? Which car model? Which year? Don't just say success, it can mean different things to different people.

When you first start practicing this, be patient with yourself. It takes time for your mind to get used to this.

2. Before sleeping & upon waking up

This is also why its sunnah for you to recite do'a just before sleeping and after waking up. Set your mind on what you want before you sleep, make do'a to Allah and do the same upon waking up.

This situation is also good for parents to shape up their children's characters. Just before they sleep, you know when they're in that dreamy zone, say positive things to them, tell them that they're smart and intelligent, that they're good muslims and muslimahs, that they will be nice to others. You can do the same to your partners too! Tell your husband "You're a good muslim, you're a good husband," and tell your wife "You're beautiful, you will have beautiful children," etc.

3. During shower

Do you realize how your mind comes up with splendid superb ideas when you're having a shower? I feel that all the time! That sometimes I just open up the door and shout a random idea to Mr. so that I will not forget it when I'm out.  Tell yourself positive things during this time. Even affirmative things to yourself, even when you haven't achieved it.

It seems that water has a strong purification power that it puts you into a relaxed state. Which is why sometimes when you're stressed out, you feel much better after your bath. Which is also why we take wudhu', to get ourselves prepared to face the alpha state.

4. When drinking water.

Just like the point before, water helps in getting yourself into the alpha state. That short duration of time when you drink water, talk to your brain.

5. During orgasm

This may be a little too private for those unmarried couples, but orgasm is indeed the highest state of the subconscious mind that you can reach before falling into the next wave. During that peak time of sex, ensure that you imagine having a good child, imagine if it is a girl or a boy, imagine how cute he/she is. Imagine your success story, who will be there beside you, where will you be in 5-10 years time. Imagine and believe it.

There are also other ways like listening to music and doing yoga. Google and you'll find out more.

Psychologists say that in order for you to change a habit, or in order for your mind to believe what you tell them, you have to repeatedly tell yourself the same dream for 44 days. According to my father-in-law, in Islam, its 40 days. I'm not too sure the magical story behind 40 days. He says its in the Quran. I will have to understand more from him.

Print out pictures of your dreams. Write them out. FEEL your dream, go and test drive that car that you've always wanted, or visit that house that you want to buy, try your best to feel it so that the imagination becomes stronger.

Many people can imagine but underestimate the power of the mind. You think you can only achieve so and so when the truth is, you can stretch your mind to imagine more than you think you can. Imagine the impossible. Your mind will do the magic, your body will automatically just follow your mind. Conquer your mind. Learn to shut out that voices in your head that tell you that you cannot, telling you that its impossible. Stop whining and stop telling yourself "Why can't I do this, why am I so unlucky'

These are some of the things that are explain in Western books like 'Think & Grow Rich', 'The Power of Your Subconcious Mind', 'The Secret' . But little did I know that many of our everyday Islamic practices can already help us getting what we want, provided we understand how to and why is it that we do what we do. Islam IS the way of life. There's just so many secrets that you need to unlock! You'll be surprised!

You know how we've been taught to 'Usaha, Doa & Tawakal'? I now learn that you should 'Doa, Usaha & Tawakal,'. Set your mind right, then work towards it and then insyaAllah, you will get what you want.

If not, like I always said, Allah Knows Best.

Now I wonder, why didn't anyone tell me this before this? Come to think of it, actually my father did, and so did Mr. but I chose not to listen, only believing part of it, and another part of me being skeptical, saying 'How is that possible?'

Conquer your mind. Imagine the impossible. And go and achieve it.

Good morning!

Today marks the 3rd week of me working on my own. I now have a new laptop as my macbook decided to go KAPUUUKKKK on me, right after quitting the company [which also explains why I haven't been updating]. As I am writing this, my daughter is lying down on my lap, watching Dr. Mc Stuffins on Disney Channel. She has become less-clingy now, always seeing her mummy around.

So, how has it been?

It actually pretty tiring to be honest. The first week especially.

I used to plan my weekends, but now I have to plan my daily activities; which usually is not routine. I used to just do what my boss tells me, and just meet the deadlines.  But now, I have to plan out my day from the night before and meet my own deadlines.

After a few weeks, my brain is getting used to the nightly planning exercise and my body seems to get used to moving around a lot too.

I don't spend my whole day with Aisya. Usually in the morning, I will cuddle with her in her manja moments upon waking up, and then take her to shower. After that, I send her to my mom's and come and see her again around 4-5pm after I complete the day's work.

But its never really the same everyday. I have different tasks everyday. Flexible time; that's the awesome thing about this new world. Some days I'm too busy I see her only at 6pm. Some days, she spends time with me the whole day. The other great thing is that I also get to spend extra time with my mom and dad and my friends. And I also get excited upon seeing Mr. every evening.

How's business? Alhamdulillah, its heading somewhere insyaAllah. At the moment, its about running and kicking all the walls I see along the way. Dush! Dush! Dush!

Enjoying every moment of this!