rawakramblings

A week to go until I'm 3 months preggy, oh my, time flies! Suddenly I'm left with another 6 more months to pop!

Last night, Mr. was away for his office project lesson learnt event in Port Dickson. So I decided to stay over my parents place in Subang. My father wanted to get a haircut in Pyramid and I decided to tag along.

After walking around for about 30 minutes or so, suddenly I felt tired. My tummy started feeling stretched. I was breathless. Felt pain in my pelvic area. Looked down and saw that my tummy was already starting to show. And then, I told myself, "Ahh.. pregnancy. Almost forgot how it felt like,"

Sat down. Relaxed a little. Told myself to take it slow.

Didn't expect to be that exhausted at a very early stage of the pregnancy. Need to ensure that I have enough supplements!

When I first received the email on this 'Mental Health Illness' forum that will be conducted by my company, I was shocked to see the fact that 1 in 4 people are affected by this illness. The first thing that came out of me my mouth was "Come on, is that right? 1 in 4??" and this was in a meeting room, just before project discussion was about to start. To my disbelief, two of supervisors actually acknowledged that they actually have depression.

"It's pretty normal laa.. .Its just that sometimes, people don't know that they're having it,"

"You will sometimes feel like shutting the world around you and just curl up in bed alone and just stay there,"

"Your kids don't even know this, but sometimes you just SHUT down and just ignore them,"

"I got high blood because of depression, my doctor advice me that I should have some more ME-time,"

I was shocked. There they were, in front of me, two supervisors that I've been working a lot together lately, and it never hit me that THEY, out of all the people I know, actually go through depression.

"But you guys look happy! And you're always smiling!"

Fact No.1 I learned today in the forum: Sometimes those who smile the most, are the ones who hurt the most on the inside. People can just wear a mask and smile, but no one knows what's deep inside of them.

So anyways, today I learned more about the illness after attending the forum. Actually, more reminders than facts. The workplace can really be the main contributor to stress and stress is the main factor in mental health illness. Money is never enough, position and power never seem to be a satisfaction, expectations - from oneself and from others - are not met. It seems that we always want more than what we have.

Different people will have different ways in coping with stress. We need to know our best way to deal with it. I know exercise helps, although not always the case for me, but it does give you that positive spirit. Solat - that five times a day in between your daily activities - that will help too. Solat on time - just like how Allah has planned it well for you and insyaAllah those breaks in between can help you de-stress.

I personally think that the word 'stress' shouldn't be used often. People start their complaints with the word 'stress' even when they don't mean it. "Stress laaa.... yadda yadda yadda..." Naturally, you will get yourself even more stressed than you were before.

Contentment. Something that we must all learn. In other words, bersyukur! Allah has given you so much, why are you still complaining? Look at others who are less fortunate than you. Don't keep comparing yourself with those who are better. Because you know what? There will ALWAYS be people who are better and less fortunate than you.

There was this one time, the speaker asked, "How many of you here are happy?" and not many raised their hands. Its either they were too shy to do so or they were really unhappy. When he asked that question, there were no doubt that my answer is yes. I am happy, I don't see any reason not to be. Of course not everything goes my way, not everything as planned, I'm not really carrying out my responsibility well, I'm not meeting up expectations (a lot of them, actually) but I am, happy.

"Life is wonderful," as how Jason Mraz says it.

You just gotta make the best out of it.

Do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life,

Such an inspiring quote. Making me question even more of what my plan is for the future. 

I now that I should be contributing something to the society with what I do but somehow I don't feel like I'm achieving that with working in this corporate world. The office politics and games, the monopoly of employee... they all just don't feel right. I just feel very strongly that I need to work on something that I am passionate about, something that has a meaning!

Or maybe, its that availability of options to choose from.

Life is too short to waste it on "What Ifs.."... I'll be turning 28 soon, with one young kid and another one coming insyaAllah, so its the perfect time to take risks, before even bigger commitments come along the way. And hey, I'm ONLY 28.. there's just sooo much more that can happen along the way! You wouldn't know if you don't try.

And reading this TOMS book every night before I sleep, just gets to me..like Grrrrrr!



I've been making some duas so that Allah makes it easier for me to decide and show me the right way. When the right time comes, I need to get rid of the fear and have faith.

I have a dream. I have a plan. And it feels like I'm getting closer to achieving it. InsyaAllah.

During the first check-up

2nd Checkup- EDD 19th June 2015

It has been 5 nights since the last success story of weaning off Aisya. She still remembers sometimes and still comes up to me and say "Aww..Aww... See?" (Asking if she can see). And everytime I have to tell her that it is painful and then she forgets about it. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for making this much easier for both of us.

Anyways. You know what's an even awesome story to share? My girl who wakes up 2-3 times every night is now sleeping through the night! She sleeps at 9-9.30pm and wakes up around 7-8am in the morning..all the way! No waking up! Its just that the first few mornings, she would wake up crying looking a bit loss because usually she wakes up nurse straight away with mummy. So I had to cool her down and distract her.

But this morning, was different. She woke up at around 6.20am, and straight away sat down and pointed to the door and said "Air...Air..." (water). So I carried her out to the kitchen and filled up a glass with water. Gulp..Gulp..Gulp.. she was drinking lots of water! Must be very thirsty! Then she showed her bottle and said "Susu!"(milk)

I boiled some water and put 3 spoons of powdered milk into her bottle. All the time she was just looking at me, patiently waiting. Then after I poured the boiled water into the bottle, she said "Air...Susu! Air...Susu!" and took the leftover from the glass of water earlier, wanting to pour it into the bottle. How does she even know this?, I wondered. I poured some room-temperature water into her bottle and when it was all ready, she clapped her hands and shouted "Yayyyyy!"

After finish drinking 5 ounce of milk she looked at me and said "Mimi...yakkkk" while showing her pampers. She still cannot tell between business No.1 and No.2 so I checked and realized that her diaper was heavy..so I changed her.

After that, she smiled, glad that all her morning problems are solved. Turned on Disney Junior and I woke Mr. up for Fajr prayers.

Just after Fajr prayers, I had a moment, just looking at my child watching the tv, and again being reminded that she is growing up a little too fast. I'm happy and proud that she knows what she wants and say it but it also tells me that she's slowly being independent and that one day she doesn't need her mummy anymore *criesssss..okay mummy being dramatic*

On another note, alhamdulillah, today Aisya managed to wake us up just the right time for Fajr instead of our usual last minute prayers.

Aisya sleeping through the night, mummy FINALLY gets her 8hrs of sleep at night, performing fajr prayers on time...It was a good start to our day :)

Cheerful Aisya earlier this morning.