rawakramblings

I've started signing up for yoga last month. When I heard that its just all-girls, and only like 2 mins walk from home, and early 7am in the morning (when the kids are still sleeping) - I said "Hey this sounds like a good start!" So I thought of giving it a try at first, but didn't expect that I'd actually like it! I guess I underestimated yoga at first. 5mins after the start of class, I was already sweating like crazy and ended up with body aches the next 3 days.

Yoga changed my life after that. I noticed that I look forward waking up and start doing 5 minutes of yoga before the start of the day. I'm not sure how, but I also became more efficient, waking up before the kids, and then doing some house chores, and getting the kids school bags and breakfast ready before they wake up.

And then I started thinking about how sloppy I've been, being married and with the kids, and maybe I should start looking after myself now. And then today, I bought myself a sports bra (and a whole set of yoga attire), and when I was trying out, I looked at myself in the mirror, and realized how my body is out of shape, and how there's tummy fat which makes me look 'unhealthy and sloppy'. I have also gained weight, to a weight that I've never reached before.

Genetically, I am tall and lanky, and since I've slowly changed my wardrobe to be more muslimah-friendly, my attire's been quite lose and baggy and it makes me look even more skinnier. So I always get comments like "Oh but you're so thin after two kids!" and to be honest, I didn't really do anything to get that figure. Thin doesn't mean healthy, and those comments are the ones stopping me from leading a healthy life. I'm too lazy to exercise, I eat a lot of junks, I do not control my intakes because "hey i'm thin"

But today, when I saw myself in the mirror, it hit me a little more. It shouldn't be just yoga. I really should exercise. Yes I'm thin, but its sooo out of shape and it looks like I didn't take care of my own body, which is actually Allah's gift for me. It is an amanah.

Being in the islamic retail business for almost 5 years now, one BIG thing that I've learned, and that I wish to also share with people, is to NOT JUDGE people from outside.

Many times, I have encountered ladies contacting us, and coming over to our place, to purchase telekungs to give out to friends and families, to orphanage, to waqaf at surau and masjid. Some come over and bring their maids, and asking them to choose a telekung for themselves. And you know what, they aren't always covering up their heads, some with  but they've got the nicest hearts. They way they talk, the way they smile. You can see and feel the warmth. Vice versa, many times too, I've encountered the meanest customers, and they're the ones with the hijab.

This is telekung we're talking about, whether you wear the hijab or not, this is the main pillar, the wajib. To pray 5 times a day, is wajib, its obligatory as a Muslim. (So is the hijab actually, but I am not going to talk about that here). Never once, do we at Zaahara, judge those who come over to purchase the telekung at our office. In fact, we have encountered many customers who feel very comfortable to buy from us because they feel being judged when they go some place else. Which is also why most of our customers buy from us - because we're mainly ONLINE - so no judgement there :)

Writing this makes me feel like I'm judging now haha but I really want to say this out loud. I used to not wear the hijab and people used to stare at me, for wearing the skirt, and still go for solat at the surau in the shopping malls. But it was Zohor you know, and I had to solat, but I was wearing the skirt that day - does that mean I shouldn't solat? The same goes to men too, just because he's wearing the shorts that day, does that mean he shouldn't solat? At that particular time, I was not aware of the hijab and that it was wajib and all, so I did not cover up, I did not bother about the aurat, but I know that I cannot leave the prayers. I mean - I was taught that its the main pillar of Islam - solat - everyone should be doing it! 

Someone, somewhere, must have prayed and make dua for me, because alhamdulillah, I have moved forward from where I was before. And that is what we all should do, make dua for those that we care about, especially those with good hearts, because they are the ones that will easily soften, as compared to those with dark black hearts. Read more about the 8 different types of hearts here.

I'm a strong believer that the heart makes all the difference. If not today, insyaAllah one day, that person with that good heart, will see the truth.

The hijab, is something on the outside, sometimes being forced to put on by the surrounding, by culture. But the heart, just like the imaan, is something like solat. Its something that only Allah knows. No hiding there.
Which is why I choose the telekung as my way of business. Because I believe in going back to basics - by establishing the prayers. Five times a day, lets just strive to do that, consistently. 

And let's stop judging please. No one is better than the other because they look so. Its about how you look in the eyes of Allah that matters.

The first week of 2018 was hectic for me. We tried something new with the kids. I decided to send Little Luqman (who is now 20months) to her sister's kindy, hoping that the both of them would spend more time together in school. The first day, Aisya's teacher told me that Luqman didn't want to separate with his sister, and so they were doing everything together; sleep eat and learn.

After the third day, I noticed that Luqman did not fit in that school (probably because he's a little too young for kindy) and we decided to bring him back to his nursery, paying more of course, but giving this mommy a peace of mind that there's more experienced teachers will be looking after him.

And then, there's that issue with Aisya. We love her school now because of the islamic values instilled in her, saying things like "I want to be a good muslim mommy," and telling me stories of the prophets and memorizing surahs, but my concern after sending her there for 2 years, is the development of her character. With the new location, and bigger space, there's more students, thus the lack of personal attention. I also noticed that the environment of the kids in school are a little timid. Aisya also complaints of not wanting to go to school.

I had quite a hard time deciding on whether I should change her to a new school. We did thought of this last year, but after visiting a few different schools in the neighbourhood, we realized that there's none that really grab our attention. So she stayed.

And then a friend of mine told me about a school that's been around for the past 20 years, and when we visited the school, both me and Mr. instantly fell in love with it. So did Aisya. It was very warm and friendly, and there's only like 30 kids. I love how the teachers warmly welcome us, how they spoke to us, how they spoke to Aisya. You can see that your child will develop well with this kind of environment and this kind of leadership. It's now a well known branded school, just a little gem in the neighbourhood, where the 3 founders also used to send their kids there.

But this school, is not an islamic-based school. And that thought of bringing her out of an islamic school brings like a huge guilt in me. Am I really going to do this? Is she going to be okay? What if this is a huge mistake ( I know right? It's only kindergarten!)

And then Mr. tells me that we parents, have to play that bigger role in instilling her the islamic values. Our focus now should be in developing her character, and then at the same time, let her learn to love Allah, showing good Muslim examples and encouraging her to be good. At the end of the day, it's only kindy!

YES. The kind of headaches a mom goes through, and for only a kindergarten. And this is only the start. What about primary school? Where should we send her? Private? Government? International school? Islamic? Non-islamic? Oh myyy oh myyy oh myyyyyy.

May Allah keep guiding us!